(I’m trying to buy my mum’s Christmas present but can’t decide between a food processor and a cake mixer. I walk around in circles in the electronics section of the superstore for 10 minutes. One of the sales assistants finally stops chatting to his coworkers long enough to see me trying to catch their eye. He seems very nervous and shy so I try to be cheerful and friendly to put him at ease.)

Sales Assistant: “Do you need help?”

Me: “Yes. I’m trying to decide between a processor and a mixer. Do you know much about them? My budget is around the $300 mark, so if you can show me the best I can get for that price…?”

Sales Assistant: “Yes. I can help. You could always get a multi-processor that does both.”

(I’ve never heard of a combination mixer-processor before. I let him lead me to where they are.)

Sales Assistant: “See this one? It’s a food processor but it’s also a blender too.”

Me: “Oh, no. Not a blender. I mean a mixer like that.”

(I point to one of the huge cake mixers on the other side of the aisle.)

Sales Assistant: “Oh. Well, I don’t know. I think that’s your choice really.”

Me: “Yeah, I figured. I was looking at this mixer. I’m curious why it only has one whisk instead of two like they usually have?”

(I point clearly to the single whisk of this brand and then to another machine that has the two whisk system I’m used to. He picks up the box for the machine and looks at the back.)

Sales Assistant: “Oh… No, look. It comes with a whisk, a dough hook, a—”

Me: “No, no, no. I know they come with lots of attachments. I mean is there a reason this one only has one and this other one has two?”

Sales Assistant: “Oh! Uh, I don’t know.”

Me: “Never mind, then. I don’t want to get her something if I’m not sure it’ll be the right thing for her. How about these processors? I haven’t used one in a while so I’m not sure exactly what the difference between them is or what they all do.”

Sales Assistant: “Well, your processor is basically… It does all your food preparation like… chopping and cutting and processing…”

Me: *facepalm* “No. I know what they do. I know what they’re for. I just need to know which is the best model in my price range.”

Sales Assistant: “Oh, uh… I don’t really know.”

(The sales assistant then proceeds to look at the boxes for the few models in my price range and literally read their details out to me, which I could have done myself. In the end I just chose the one I was looking at in the first place and hoped for the best!)

(I’m a rather multinational person. So far I have lived in four countries at 15 years of age. I am moving from the third to the fourth country. I’m going around getting my shirt signed. My friend is one year above me, and from France, but has lived in Romania for most of her life.)

Friend: “Hey. I heard you were leaving! Can I sign your shirt too?”

Me: “Sure. Go ahead. Here’s a pen.”

Friend: “Thanks. So, where are you going?”

Me: “Vienna.”

Friend: “Ooh, I’ve always wanted to learn Italian.”

Me: “What?”

Friend: *condescending* “Italian? The language they speak in Italy?”

Me: “Oh, you’re thinking of Venice. No, I’m going to Vienna, as in the capital of Austria.”

Friend: “Oh, of course! Sorry. I’m not that great at Geography.”

Me: “Oh, that’s fine. I’ve been getting that all day. Vienna does sound an awful lot like Venice.”

Friend: “Okay. I’ve finished the picture!”

Me: “Great. See you.” *walks away*

(Later…)

Other Friend: “Who drew a kangaroo on your shirt?!”

(My friend and I are walking across the school field during lunch. My friend is holding a wedding ring her mum gave her the day before. She has already managed to lose it once, prompting a two-hour long search by my entire class.)

Friend: *looking thoughtfully at the ring* “You know what? Someday I’m going to get married with this ring.”

Me: “Really? That’ll be nice.”

Friend: “Yeah. It’s got a cute story and everything!”

Me: “Okay. Let’s hear it then.”

Friend: “It’s so romantic. My granddad gave this ring to my grandma as a wedding ring, only she lost it…”

Me: “Oh, poor her.”

Friend: “Yeah. So then after she found it they got divorced.”

(I’m a bit taken aback by this, but she continues nonetheless.)

Friend: “Then my grandma gave the ring to my dad, who lost it, too. When he found it again he married my mum with it.”

(Again, I am a bit taken aback but to me the ring is starting to redeem itself.)

Friend: “And then they got divorced. When my mum moved out SHE lost it. She was preparing for the move last week and she found it. She gave it to me as a present. And that is why I’m going to get married with it someday, because it’s good luck!”

(My friend skips off and leaves me standing there just blinking in shock. She comes back to get me and looks completely cheerful. I’m 100 percent sure that she has a cursed ring on her finger.)

(My boyfriend and I are going to bed. I am notorious for being restless when trying to fall asleep. We turn off the lights but after a few minutes I have to get up to get a glass of water. I come back to find my boyfriend hugging his pillow.)

Me: “Why are you hugging the pillow instead of me?”

Boyfriend: *half asleep* “He’s nicer. He doesn’t keep moving…”

(I work at an office supply store that also does computer repairs. We are open late for Christmas. I’m the certified technician. The cashier is taking a break, so I volunteer to take over her register. A customer has walked up to the customer service desk. This desk has no register, but there is a register about five feet to the right.)

Customer: “Hey! I was looking for this pocket calendar, but for this year. This other brand has more space, but I can’t find this one.”

Me: “Sure. Let’s go take a look so you can pick the one you want!”

Customer: “I already checked all of them. You don’t have it! I’m NOT walking back there! That’s what I came up here for! Now GO!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I walk back, stunned, and check for the product. We are out of stock. I come back to tell the customer. My coworker has come back, and tries to check another customer out, but register #1 has crashed. She has already taken the customer to register #2 and is checking them out.)

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are out of stock. We can order the one you want online, however.”

Customer: “No! I’ll just take this one. It’s already in my purse.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll take you over at register #2, as register #1 has crashed.”

(My coworker has finished checking out the customer, and is standing behind me watching this occur. The customer is standing, staring at the wall, obviously ignoring me.)

Me: “Umm, ma’am? I said I can help you at register #2.”

Customer: “You said you’d help me RIGHT HERE!”

Me: “Sorry, I didn’t. Register #1 has crashed, and that’s the customer service desk. I couldn’t ring you up there if I tried.”

Customer: “But that is not open. THIS ONE IS! HELP ME HERE!”

(The light for register #1 is on still, and #2 is off. No one pays attention to the lights so no one turns them on for the occasional customer that is brought to them.)

Customer: “This one’s light isn’t on. You can’t help me here.”

(I turn the light on to humor her and start ringing.)

Customer: “You all are so rude and unhelpful! I can’t believe you would treat me like this!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way about us.”

Customer: “YOU ARE NOT SORRY! YOU ARE BEING INTENTIONALLY RUDE! YOU HAVE TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE!”

(At this point I can’t tell whether to be angry or laugh at the absurdity. I am leading the numbers for customer service, and I’m always going out of my way for the customers.)

Me: “Okay. Your total is [total]. You can swipe whenever you are ready. ”

Customer: “I GAVE you the card. Figure it out yourself!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I swipe the card, and turn the PIN-pad towards her.)

Me: “Please sign here.”

(The customer proceeds to scribble on the screen in long sweeping motions, before finally pounding on the screen with the stylus. It does not respond to hard tapping, only light tapping. I’m afraid the screen will break at this rate, so I put my hand out near the screen.)

Me: “Please do not break our screen.” *I tap the button*

Customer: “DON’T F****** TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! DON’T OPEN YOUR MOUTH TO ME AGAIN!”

(The customer throws the stylus at me.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am.” *hands receipt* “Have a great evening, and happy holidays!”

Customer: “Screw you! You people are so F****** RUDE!”

Me: “Alright!”

(The door closes.)

Me: *to coworker* “I really don’t know whether to be mad or laugh… I’m so conflicted!”