Archive for 2013

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Bashing The Button Basher

| TX, USA | Right | October 8, 2013

(A 20-something calls in with the very common problem of their TV showing a blank screen. I’m second-level tech support, meaning they’ve already spoken to someone who either concluded their problem was serious, or simply gave up attempting to assist them.)

Me: “Press the red button at the very top of your remote.”

Caller: “Umm… uh… What’s a button?”

Me: “Do you want to think about what you just asked for a moment?”

Caller: “Umm, yeah, what’s a button?”

Me: “Those little round things that make stuff happen when you push them.”

Caller: “Oh, it worked! What was wrong?”

Me: “Your TV was turned off.”

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On A Completely Different Wavelength

| USA | Right | October 8, 2013

Customer: “I am looking for a portable radio with headphones I can use while I walk or go to the gym.”

Me: “Certainly! May I suggest this unit right here? It is actually an all-in-one unit; the radio is a part of the headphone assembly itself.”

Customer: “I would rather have the headphones and radio be separate.”

Me: “Well, we have multiple pocket radios with a headphone jack right over here. Do any of these look like what you are looking for?”

Customer: “I would rather have a larger unit I can keep on the table, and plug into the wall.”

Me: “Well, this unit right here is a little larger but can still be carried on you, and can plug into the wall as well as use headphones. It will charge while it’s plugged in, and you can take it with you when you walk or travel.”

Customer: “But I don’t want it to use batteries.”

Me: “So you want it to be a wall-socket only, non-battery powered, portable radio you can use while you walk and exercise?”

Customer: “Yes, why is that so complicated?”

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These Customers Aren’t Even Faintly Sharp

| Canada | Right | October 8, 2013

(A female and male customer walk into my tattoo parlor.)

Female Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get my lip pierced, but I’m terrified of needles. Is there anything you can do?”

Me: “Well, you could use [freezing cream] which would numb the skin and you wouldn’t feel a thing.”

Female Customer: “Hmm, I don’t think so. Just show me the needle and I’ll faint, and then you can do the piercing.”

Me: “Uh, I think that’s illegal.”

(As I say this, the female customer has apparently spotted some of our needles nearby still in their packaging, which she apparently has no problems with. Without warning, she grabs one, rips it out of its packaging and proceeds to faint on the spot. The male customer speaks up in her place.)

Male Customer: “Can’t you just do it now?”

(I proceed to call an ambulance. Thankfully the woman is fine. My coworkers and I still talk about it!)

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People Who Complain On Facebook

| Right | October 8, 2013

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Pick One

| Right | October 8, 2013

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