Archive for 2013

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He’ll Take A Tall Truth With A Shot Of Obviousness

| Rome, GA, USA | Romantic | October 10, 2013

(I am in my early 20s. One of my most annoying regulars has been flirting awkwardly for a while, despite my obvious discomfort, and the engagement ring on my finger. I am working alone, and there is a long line behind him, waiting to order.)

Regular: “So, I know you don’t know me that well, but would you like to go out sometime? We can catch a ball game or something.”

Me: “…I’m engaged.”

Regular: “So?”

Me: “I have a fiancé. I’m getting married in three months.”

Regular: “But you’re not married yet! C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

Me: “No.”

Regular: “Come on, one date. You’ll have the rest of your life with him. Enjoy your single life while you can!”

(A burly customer behind the regular speaks up.)

Burly Customer: “Dude, she said no. Now get the f*** out before I throw you out.”

(Embarrassed, the regular leaves.)

Burly Customer: “D*** it, I was hoping he’d try again. I really wanted an excuse to toss him out on his a**. Large latte, please.”

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Game, Set, Perfect Match

| India | Romantic | October 10, 2013

(My boyfriend and I have been in an online relationship for almost two years now. We are both big pervs and nerds. We are both video-chatting and discussing about games to buy online, when my boyfriend makes a booby joke.)

Me: ” Um… you know, I was almost tempted to take off my top for you.”

Boyfriend: *going through his game wish-list* “Hmm, Civilization V needs ‘Direct X 11’…”

Me: “All the s*** they say about gamer boyfriends is actually true!”

Love And Liquidation

| MN, USA | Romantic | October 10, 2013

(My long-distance girlfriend has very sensitive skin; so much so that stroking it will quickly cause her to lose track of what she is saying and go limp. We are talking via text message while I’m at work.)

Girlfriend: “Aah lurves joo.”

Me: “Ah lurves goo. That’s not an autocorrect; I just really appreciate goo.”

Girlfriend: “I… am glad? May the snot be with you?”

Me: “I shall now pet the puddle of [Girlfriend Name] goo.”

Girlfriend: “Hey! I am not even goo yet!”

Me: “Really? Well, can’t have that. Pettings will continue until liquidity improves.”

Girlfriend: “We have the weirdest flirting.”

His Woody Gives Her A Buzz

| England, UK | Romantic | October 10, 2013

(My girlfriend and I are really geeky and really soppy.)

Me: “I love you immensely.”

Girlfriend: “I love you to the Andromeda Galaxy and back.”

Me: “I love you to infinity and beyond!”

Girlfriend: *giggles* “I see you more as a Woody than a Buzz Lightyear.”

Me: “I’m always woody for you!”

Word On The Password

| Copenhagen, Denmark | Learning | October 10, 2013

(I am an exchange student, attending one of my very first lessons. I am alone in the classroom a while before the class starts, and I turn to the closest of the few other students that has arrived.)

Me: “Excuse me, do you know the password for the school network? I’ve never used it before.”

Student: *arrogant tone* “Hah, well that’s just typical of you exchange students. It’s so simple; how can you not manage to log in?”

Me: “Well, I found the network and everything; I just don’t know the password. Never mind, I’ll just ask someone else.”

Student: “No, alright, I’ll give it to you. But seriously, how do you expect to pass any of your classes if you can’t even handle a simple thing like a computer?”

(At this point, I am getting very annoyed and upset by his tone, but since I really need to log in, I try to ignore it.)

Me: “Could you just tell me the password, please?”

Student: “Right. It is ‘2012,’ and then three random letters, [letters]. See? Not that hard at all. I don’t know how you could mess it up.”

Me: “Okay, ‘2012[letters]’ right?”

Student: “Yeah, I don’t really know what the letters are supposed to be, they are always the same but the numbers change every year. I guess they just have really bad imagination.”

Me: “The letters are the initials of this university; that might have something to do with it.”

Student: “Eh… yeah. I… never thought about that.”

(The student is very friendly to me the rest of the semester!)

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