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A Triple Rainbow Of Pens

, , , , | Right | September 13, 2013

(I work part-time at the local convenience store that sells school supplies, snacks, basic clothing, and other things. A customer walks in smelling heavily of marijuana.)

Customer: “Can I get some pens?”

Me: “Umm, sure.”

(I show the customer over to the area where we keep pens and pencils.)

Customer: “Whoa… YOU GUYS HAVE PINK PENS?!”

Me: “Yes, why?”

Customer: “I didn’t know they made pink pens!”

Me: “Umm… they make pens in every color, sir.”

Customer: “Even… ORANGE?!”

Me: “Yes, even orange.”

Customer: “Even YELLOW?! Oh, wait, that’d just be a highlighter.”

Me: *points at yellow gel pens* “No, they make yellow pens, too.”

Customer: “WOW!”

(The customer buys his pens and leaves. Good to know I may have changed someone’s life.)


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It’s Only A Paper Cup

| Right | September 13, 2013

(A customer walks up to my till and orders a coffee.)

Me: “Alright, that’ll be $1.65. Is that for here or to go?”

Customer: “For here. Why did you ask me that?”

Me: “If it’s for here, we put it in a mug. If it’s to go, we put it in a paper cup.”

Customer: “Paper?”

Me: “Yep! A paper cup.”

Customer: “Paaaaper?”

Me: “Um, yes, is that what you’d prefer?”

Customer: “Paaaaaaper?”

Me: *thinking he might not know the difference* “Yes, see, here’s a paper cup, and here’s a mug.”

Customer: “Paaaaaaaaper?”

Me: “Paper cup it is!”

(I make him his drink and hand it to him. He stares at it, hands me the money, and nods.)

Customer: “Paaaaaaper!”

Touchy Feely Service

| Working | September 13, 2013

(I work at an adult store, which allows the employees to be a little less professional at times because of the content matter we have to deal with. I am currently helping a young couple.)

Guy: “Are we allowed to touch the clothing displays?”

Me: “Displays?”

Guy: “The boxed displays on the wall?”

Me: “Oh! Hon, those aren’t displays. Feel free to touch them to your heart’s desire; just don’t open them. I can do that for you.

Guy: “Really? We’re from New York and all the shops up there won’t let you even touch the displays; they keep everything hidden in the back. They have to get everything for you and they always have to ask you every five seconds if you need help.”

Me: “Really? Well Hon, welcome to Maryland; we don’t give a s***.”

(I made two regular customers that night.)

Enquiring Children Enquiring About Children

| Right | September 13, 2013

(I am carrying on quite a conversation with a four-year-old girl while I check her mother out at my store. I am 19.)

Mom: “Stop asking so many questions; you’re bothering the lady!”

Me: “No! It’s okay; I’m happy to answer. I think it’s great that she’s so curious!”

Mom: “You must have kids.”

Me: “Oh no, not yet.”

Little Girl: “You don’t have kids?!” *whimpers, sounding heartbroken* “Why? You don’t like kids?”

Me: “No, no, I love kids! I’m just really young, and I’m not ready to have kids yet.”

Little Girl: “Well… when will you be ready?”

Me: “When I have more time and money. I want to make sure I can take good care of my kids, and right now I can barely take good care of myself!”

Little Girl: “Well, that makes sense. Okay then!”

(The little girl then gives me a nod approval.)

The Yeast Of Your Worries

| Right | September 13, 2013

(I work at a pet store/grooming salon establishment. One of the grooming dogs comes in with a suspected yeast infection. We inform the customer of the possibility, and they say they will take care of it. A week later, I’m opening the store and the customer comes back in.)

Customer: “I demand to speak to the groomer!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but she’s not here right now. She doesn’t have any groom appointments for today. Was there anything I could help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, you can explain to me why the h*** your groomer said my dog had a yeast infection, when nothing I’ve been doing to treat it has been working! I demand reimbursement for the cost of the treatment!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am, but I’m afraid we can’t reimburse you for veterinary treatment you’ve sought because of a medical condition that existed in your dog prior to the grooming appointment.”

Customer: “Veterinary treatment? I didn’t go to the vet!”

Me: “You haven’t? What treatment have you been using that needs reimbursing?”

Customer: “I’ve bought $40 worth of bread in the past week!”

Me: “…bread?”

Customer: “Yeah! The groomer said it was a f****** yeast infection, so I’ve been giving him lots of bread to fix it!”

Me: “I’m… not sure I follow ma’am.”

Customer: “What, am I not giving him enough bread? Does he need bread with more yeast in it?”

Me: “Oh… OH! Uhm, having a yeast infection doesn’t mean he needs to eat things with yeast IN it.”

Customer: “So… he doesn’t need bread?”

Me: “…no.”

(I instruct the customer to add pro-biotic yogurt to her dog’s food and take him to the vet as soon as she could. The customer leaves rather embarrassed. We get a call later on that her dog recovers soon after that, and now she’s a regular customer for yogurt dental bones!)