Archive for 2013

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Not Impressed With Man Meat

| Orlando, FL, USA | Right | October 11, 2013

(I work at the deli counter of my store. I am slicing meat for a customer who appears very grumpy. She watches me slice, bag, label, and hand her the meat.)

Customer: “No! This meat is all WRONG!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “You sliced it too thick!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I did ask you if that thickness was okay, and you said yes.”

Customer: “Then you held it funny! I couldn’t see it right! I’m not buying this s***!”

Me: “Would you like me to get the manager?”

Customer: “No, he’s probably an incompetent scumbag like you!”

Me: “She might be able to help make sure you are satisfied, ma’am.”

(The customer perks up immediately and looks at me with a predatory sneer.)

Customer: “Oh really? Your manager is a woman?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then call her over here so I can explain how you f***** up my meat!”

(Sighing, I pick up the intercom phone and call the manager over.)

Customer: “That just makes you furious, doesn’t it? Taking orders from a woman?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You think you’re better than us, but you have to do what she says or she can fire you!”

Me: “Uh, not really. I’ve had plenty of female supervisors.”

Customer: “And that just burns you up inside, DOESN’T IT?!”

Me: “Why would you assume that?”

Customer: “BECAUSE YOU’RE A MAN!”

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The Little Mermaid Student

| New Zealand | Right | October 11, 2013

(I am a swimming teacher for mainly children under five. It is after the final lesson of the day. I am standing chatting to the parents. A young girl I have just been teaching walks up to me.)

Young Girl: “Excuse me. What are you doing?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Young Girl: “Why aren’t you in the pool?”

Me: “I don’t have anyone else to teach today. You were my last class.”

Young Girl: “But I thought you lived in the pool. Aren’t you a mermaid, miss?”

(I have to fight back the laughter as this little girl is completely serious, and is horrified to learn I don’t live in the pool! It’s things like this that make my job worthwhile.)

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A Better Cliché, A Better Day

| Prescott, AZ, USA | Right | October 11, 2013

(I am helping a customer adjust his shuttle reservation. I am having a horrible day; I am not feeling well, so my mood isn’t good but I don’t let it affect my inclination to help customers.)

Me: “Okay, sir, you’re all set.”

Customer: *happily* “Oh, bless your heart! Peace be with you, and all that s***!”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

Customer: “I hope you have a better day, and not just because of me!”

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A Bad Frame Of Mind

| IA, USA | Right | October 11, 2013

(I work in a frame shop for a large craft store chain. I take a phone call.)

Caller: “Yes, do you have black frames?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “How much are they?”

Me: “Well, it depends on the size, style, etc.”

Caller: “Okay, can you tell me what each of them costs?”

Me: “Ma’am, there are at least 75 different black frames; you really are going to have to come in and look for yourself.”

Caller: “Well, I’m not going to come in unless I have some idea how much they cost.”

Me: “Anywhere between $1 and $70.”

(The caller hangs up. Later that same day, the caller comes in. I recognize her voice.)

Caller: “Excuse me; can you tell me where your frames are?”

Me: “This whole section over here.”

Customer: “I see you have this frame in a 16 x 20, but I need it in a 20 x 16.”

(I take the frame from her and turn it on its side.)

Customer: *huffs* “Well, they should put on the package that you can turn it either way!” *storms off*

Coworker: “Dude, seriously?”

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Nothing Like A Spoon To Stir Things Up

| Manchester, NH, USA | Right | October 11, 2013

(An older gentleman enters the store with a young woman who might be his granddaughter. She pauses at a display near the door, while he approaches me. I’m standing next to one of our speaker displays, which is blasting a hit country-pop song.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]!”

Customer: “Hello there!”

Me: *noticing he’s studying the speakers* “Are you interested in—”

Customer: *deadpan* “This would be great spooning music.”

(I’m completely shocked by this, and I don’t know how to respond. Before I can say anything, he pulls a pair of table spoons out of his shirt pocket and begins to play along with the music!)

Customer: “Yeah! See? This is great!”

(He calls over his granddaughter, and she pulls out a pair of spoons and starts to play, too! They have a five-minute jam session at the front of the store, and then spend 20 minutes happily chatting with my coworkers and me before making their purchases and leaving. It makes my day!)

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