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Best To Just Roll-Call With It

| Nashville, TN, USA | Learning | October 12, 2013

(My teacher is out for a day due to personal circumstances. The substitute is rather… interesting.)

Substitute: “Alright, let’s get roll-call started. I am filling in for Mr. [Name] today; my name is written on the board. I do the roll-call rather interestingly, you can say either ‘present,’ or whatever interesting phrase you guys come up with. First up, [Classmate #1].”

Classmate #1: “Here?”

Substitute: “I said INTERESTING.”

Classmate #2: *sarcastically* “You’re a beautiful man, Mr. [Name].”

Substitute: “Perfect! So either present, or, ‘You’re a beautiful man, Mr. [Name].'”

(The substitute does not mark you present if you say anything other than those two things. The class got even weirder after that. We never saw him fill in for a teacher again at my school!)

Witness Versus Witless

| Learning | October 12, 2013

Smiling On The Outside

| Right | October 11, 2013


Buck Off

| Right | October 11, 2013


The Grandmother Of All Threats

| CO, USA | Right | October 11, 2013

(I work in my stepdad’s medical office. I am about 10 minutes late due to a car accident delaying traffic. There is an older patient waiting outside the office.)

Patient: *testily* “Why are you late?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. There was an accident on my way in delaying traffic. Let me unlock the door, and I’ll help you.”

Patient: “Well, I was going to leave, but I’ll see Dr. [Name] now.”

Me: “Once again, I’m very sorry, ma’am. He’s not in his office today. He’s doing school testing.”

Patient: “This is unacceptable. Your sign says you’re open from 10-4 on Thursdays!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have an appointment?”

Patient: “No, you stupid girl! I don’t need an appointment!”

Me: “Well, our sign also says we don’t take walk-ins. So yes, you do need one.”

Patient: “This is outrageous! Why can’t I see the doctor?”

Me: “I just told you that, ma’am. Now I can schedule an appointment for you, or—”

Patient: “You call the doctor and get him back here right now! If you don’t, I’ll have my grandson come by and beat you up!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you need to leave.”

Patient: “Why? I’m paying you!”

Me: “Because you just threatened to have me assaulted. If you do not leave immediately, I will call hospital security and have you escorted out.”

(She doesn’t leave. She calls her grandson, who apparently turns down her offer for him to come and hurt me, and I call security. The following Monday, a young man about my age walks into the office. He is holding a bouquet of flowers.)

Young Man: “Hi, are you the lady my grandmother asked me to beat up?”

Me: “Yes, I think that would be me.”

Young Man: *hands me the flowers* “I am so sorry. She does this every time she doesn’t get her way. I just wanted to thank you for being one of the few to not cave to her demands.”

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