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Not Thinking Outside The Box

| VA, USA | Working | October 13, 2013

(I am at a large chain grocery store, buying some groceries and a $10 food donation box for a local neediness shelter.)

Cashier: *sees the $10 box, turns it all over and doesn’t read the label* “I don’t understand what this is.”

Me: “Uh… it’s a food donation. You guys are doing a donation drive, right? That’s why these boxes are by the checkout line.”

Cashier: “We are? What is this? Is this, like, for you to eat?”

(The cashier puts it down and begins scanning my other items.)

Me: “No, it’s a donation! Also, I have a store card that you didn’t scan.”

Cashier: *scoffs* “Oh, right.” *scans it*

Me: “Where do I put the box anyway?”

Cashier: “I have no idea. They never tell me anything. Go to the front desk.” *rolls eyes at me*

(I go to the front desk after being checked out.)

Me: “I just bought this food donation and don’t know where it goes.”

Clerk: *blank stare*

Me: *holds up box*

Clerk: *to the busy manager across the room* “HEY, WHAT DO WE DO WITH THESE BOX THINGS?”

Manager: “Look right behind you; they go on top of the stack of other ones.”

Clerk: “Are you sure?” *hesitantly puts box with other ones*

Manager: *to me* “Thank you for your purchase!”

(I sincerely hope that shelter actually receives its donations at the end of the month!)

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Ceasing The Flow Of Insults

| CA, USA | Related | October 13, 2013

(I am about 14 and my brother is 16. He is in a phase where every time I get angry about anything, he says I must be ‘PMSing.’ This goes on for a few months. One day, I actually am on my period.)

Brother: “Hey, take a chill pill. You on your period or something?”

Me: *finally snapping* “For your information, YES I AM! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?”

Brother: *going completely white and backing away* “No… umm… no.”

(Ten years later, he still hasn’t made a single reference to it being that time of the month for me since then.)


| Antwerp, Belgium | Related | October 13, 2013

(My mum adds a slice of bread with mustard to beef stew to add flavor and bind the sauce. My four-year-old brother enters the kitchen.)

Brother: “Mum, can we have the meat that eats slices of bread tonight?”

(40 odd years later, it still is his favorite dish!)

A Stormy Relationship

| MI, USA | Romantic | October 13, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. I live in Michigan and he is in Mississippi, so we text quite frequently.)

Me: “Starting to rain. Looks like a big thunderstorm coming.”

Boyfriend: “Stormed here during the night. I sent it your way.”

Me: “You know, most guys send their girl flowers or candy.”

Boyfriend: “I guess I’m just a practical kind of guy.”

Some Carrots Grow Where The Sun Don’t Shine

| USA | Romantic | October 13, 2013

(We are sleeping, and my husband wakes me up with his loud snoring. He is currently on his back, so I am trying to get him to roll over. He is a heavy sleeper.)

Me: “Sweetie… roll on your belly.”

Husband: *still snoring loudly*

Me: *slightly louder* “Roll on your belly.”

Husband: *still snoring loudly*

Me: *much louder* “ROLL ON YOUR BELLY!”

Husband: *makes a snorting sound and talks in his sleep* “A roll on my belly? A roll on my belly is definitely better than a carrot up my butt.”

(He then turns over and sleeps some more while I lay there laughing so hard that I am almost crying.)

Husband: “What are you laughing at? You just woke me up!”

(I tell him what he just said.)

Husband: “No way! I never said that!”

Me: “Like I would make that up?”

Husband: “Well, was I lying? A roll on my belly is definitely better than a carrot up my butt!”

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