Archive for 2013

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Lack Of Knowledge Is Very Very Frightening

| MD, USA | Learning | October 14, 2013

(I’m in physics class, learning about acceleration. One of the questions on our test, which we’re taking at the time, has the answer of Galileo. The teacher is walking around the room, watching the class, and singing quietly to himself.)

Teacher:I see a little silhouetto of a man. Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the fandango?

(I quickly catch onto what he’s doing and write down the right answer as he keeps singing the song, skipping the name.)

Student: *raises hand* “Um, what’s the answer to number two?”

Teacher: “Seriously? After the singing and everything?”

Student: “…what?”

Me: “It’s Bohemian Rhapsody, for God’s sake!”

(There’s a pause, and no one seems to understand what that has to do with anything.)


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2 Days Before Deadline

| Learning | October 14, 2013


Not So Smart-Phone Number

| TX, USA | Right | October 13, 2013

(Our store sells rats and mice for feeders. All customers who purchase them have to fill out a short sheet with their name, address, and phone number for our records. Our store reward cards can be found by entering a phone number.)

Me: “Alright, two male mice and [other item]. If you could please fill this out while I ring you up that would be great.”

(The customer stares blankly at the piece of paper.)

Me: *pushes paper closer* “We’ll just need this filled out for the mice for our files.”

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “It’s a form that has to be filled out for all animals we sell; it is company policy.”

(The customer starts to get huffy.)

Customer: “I have lived in this area for nine years, and have never had to fill one of these out before!”

(She starts to fill it out, grumpily, sighing every few seconds, and complains the entire time, saying the policy is stupid and she doesn’t understand. When she reaches the portion where it asks for a phone number should we need to call the customer about the animal, she explodes.)

Customer: “There is NO F****** WAY I am giving you guys my phone number. This is freaking ridiculous; let me talk to a manager. I have lived here NINE YEARS and have never had to fill this out. This is a retarded policy, and I am not giving you guys my phone number to have on file!”

(I call a manager up and keep trying to diffuse the situation.)

Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. You can rightly refuse for the phone number. While we wait for my manager, do you have a rewards card?”

(The customer looks up at me and prattles off her phone number. I resist face-palming at her.)

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

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The Thickest Part Of The Line

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | October 13, 2013

(I overhear some convention attendees when walking by a line.)

Attendee #1: “Hey, look, a line for something.”

Attendee #2: “What’s it for?”

Attendee #1: “I dunno. Let’s get in line!”

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It Pains Him To Say It

| London, England, UK | Working | October 13, 2013

Boss: “Hey look, can I have a word with you?”

Me: “Yeah sure, what’s up?”

Boss: “I’ve noticed you taking some medicine at your desk. The label says morphine, and I’m afraid that’s not allowed.”

Me: “Oh, weird but whatever. I can take it in the bathroom I guess. It’s just for my spinal pain.”

Boss: “Yeah, that’s not going to work either. Look, we have a strict drugs and alcohol policy here.”

Me: “That refers to illegal drugs; these are prescription ones. I’ve got a severe spinal disorder, and sadly have to live off painkillers. Ask my GP.”

Boss: “No. No drugs at work. In fact I really should send you for a drugs screening now you’ve admitted to taking them.”

Me: “This is prescribed for me by my doctor! It’s legal; what on earth does the company have against me taking prescription medication?”

Boss: “Look, if I took that stuff I’d be high as a kite! I can’t trust you to do your job stoned.”

Me: “I’ve been on this for years! Trust me; I don’t get any kind of high off this.”

Boss: “Sorry, but no. If you insist on bringing this stuff into work, I’ll have to confiscate it and dispose of it.”

Me: “You have no right to take my prescribed meds off me.”

Boss: “You know what? I’m sending you for that drugs screening anyway. You’re too defensive to not be doing something wrong!”

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