(My parents and I are vacationing along the coast, and after a long drive to our next city, we decide to stop at the restaurant beside the hotel. Although I am 14, my appearance resembles a young adult. Our waiter is obviously in his 20s.)

Waiter: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. Is this your first time here?”

Dad: “Yes, we’re vacationing this week; we just pulled in about an hour ago.”

Waiter: *looks at me* “Well then, let’s not keep you lovely people waiting! What would you like to drink?”

(Everyone orders water, including me.)

Waiter: *still eying me* “Aw, not even a little drink to kick off your vacation? We have a wonderful spirit on special tonight.”

Me: “No thanks. It’s not like I can drink anyway!”

Waiter: “Yeah, parents can be a drag sometimes, keeping you behaving. If you’re nice, maybe they’ll let you go to the club next door tonight.” *winks*

Dad: “…are you trying to flirt with my 14-year-old daughter? AND pressuring her to drink after she said no?”

Waiter: “She’s 14?!”

Whole Family: “Yes!”

Waiter: “I… uh… I’ll get your drinks in.”

(We had a different waiter for the rest of the night!)

(I am about to turn 29, although I tell people my age is ’25 again’ as a joke. My mom has come over and is talking to my three-year-old son.)

Mom: “Is Momma going to have a birthday?”

Son: “Birthday party!”

Mom: “How old will Momma be?”

Son: “Umm…”

Me: “[Son], do you like cake and ice cream?”

Son: “Yes!”

Me: “How old is Momma?”

Son: “25!”

(I work in a store based around ‘The Old West,’ where the salespeople wear clothing reminiscent of the era. Halfway through the shift, a boy and girl around eight years old run into the store and up to me.)

Boy: *urgently* “What year is it?”

Me: “What?”

Girl: “What year is it??”

(I wonder for a moment if this is a trick question, and if I’m supposed to answer according to ‘The Old West’ theme.)

Me: “1826.”

Boy: “Are you sure?”

Me: *pulling out my old style pocket watch* “Pretty sure. Last time I checked it was 1826.”

Boy: *distraught, to the girl* “It didn’t work!”

Me: “Why? What answer were you expecting?”

Girl: “Somewhere in the 4000s!”

(They run out of the store and don’t come back.)

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(I am sitting in a diner. A man, a teenage girl, a woman, and a few other diners are sitting there eating. Suddenly, the woman falls down and starts having a seizure.)

Man: “Everybody back. I know what to do. I’ll start CPR. Somebody call an ambulance.”

(He kneels next to the woman, whose head was cut on a railing when she fell and is bleeding, and gets ready to start CPR. Suddenly, the teenage girl yells out.)

Teenage Girl: “NO! STOP! Don’t do CPR!”

(She runs over.)

Teenage Girl: “Sir, move over and let me help.”

Man: “Little girl, you don’t know what you’re doing. Get out of the way and let me start CPR!”

Teenage Girl: *shoves him out of the way* “You don’t do CPR on a seizure patient.”

(She moves the woman away from the railing and cushions her head. It’s obvious she knows what she’s doing.)

Man: “Someone grab this b****! I need to start CPR before it’s too late!”

(He pulls the girl away and she fights back. By the time she gets free, the woman has stopped seizing. The girl puts her on her side and starts giving first aid. The woman starts breathing again and turns onto her back.)

Teenage Girl: “It’s over. I told you she didn’t need CPR.”

Man: “Okay, so you were right. Move over; I’ll take over now. I know what to do.”

Teenage Girl: “No chance, mister. She’s post-ictal, and you need to stay back in case she gets combative.”

(Luckily, the woman doesn’t start fighting. As the teenage girl keeps talking to her and takes her pulse, she eventually starts responding.)

Woman: “I’m [Woman].”

Teenage Girl: “Hi. I’m [Teenage Girl]. Do you remember what happened?”

Woman: “Yeah, I laid down, and then I woke up like this.”

Man: “YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK! You’ve got to remember that!”

Teenage Girl: “You had a seizure; it’s all right to not remember it. Does anything hurt?”

Woman: “Just my back and my neck.”

Teenage Girl: “All right. I’m going to ask you to lie still; you may have injured your back. You’re doing fine. Oh, here comes the ambulance.”

(The paramedics walk in with a stretcher and lift the woman onto it.)

Medic #1: “What happened here?”

Man: “I’ll tell you what happened. This lady fell over and started having a heart attack, and this little b**** wouldn’t let me do CPR. I’m amazed the woman survived. You should have her arrested! She could’ve killed someone!”

Teenage Girl: “No, it was a seizure. Lasted about 90 seconds; she fell and sustained a laceration to her head. I’d look at that and possible concussion. Post-ictal about two minutes, seems mostly oriented and is answering questions, pulse slightly elevated, no memory of the event. She did state she’s having some back and neck pain and she fell hard, so I’d take spinal precautions.”

Man: “Just listen to her! Pretending she knows what she’s doing! I’m calling the police!”

Medic #2: “Actually, she does know what she’s doing. Pretty well, in fact.”

Man: “And how exactly do you know that?”

Medic #2: “Because we’re going to be working on the same ambulance on her shift tonight.” *high-fives teenage girl*

(The teenage girl was in fact at EMT! The man was banned from the diner and arrested for grabbing the girl.)

(It’s my first day working at a restaurant in town. I am a dishwasher, and am told to bring cups to the front because the waitresses are too busy. I pick up a tub filled with glasses, and open the kitchen door, which is right by the bathroom.)

Small Child: “I’M COMING MOM!”

(Suddenly I feel something small ram me in the middle of my back, and I topple to the floor, still holding the tub.)

Small Child: “OH MY GOD, MY LEG!”

Childs Parent: “OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU DELIBERATELY TRIED TO HURT MY SON! YOU MONSTER! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

(The child and his parent seek out the owner. They go into a rant about how I tried to kill the small child, while I have finished limping back to the kitchen. Eventually, the owner comes into the kitchen and pulls me aside, barely able to keep a straight face.)

Owner: “Look kid, I know it’s your first day, but you can’t go around trying to kill small children. I know they are a pain in the a**, but we usually go for crippling moves, not killing ones.”

(The owner grins and walks away, before stopping for a moment and turning around.)

Owner: “Oh, and [waitress] says you didn’t drop a single glass. Keep that up and you might stick around for a while.”

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