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Removes Price Tag

| Right | October 14, 2013

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On A Diet

| Right | October 14, 2013

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Not Acting Tip-Top

| MA, USA | Working | October 14, 2013

(My friends and I have decided to try this new restaurant in town after work. Our waitress has been quite rude, and has been blatantly ignoring us for the most part. After bringing us the wrong food, and actually taking out her phone to text someone while we complain, we ask for the manager.)

Waitress: “Fine, but he won’t do nothing. My dad’s the owner.”

(The waitress smirks and walks away. The manager comes over, and listens to our complaints, looking completely exasperated.)

Manager: “I’m so sorry about your experience today; there will be no charge for your meals. If you would like to order something else, I’ll oversee it myself. Again, no charge.”

Me: “Is her dad really the owner?”

Manager: *rubbing his temples* “Yes. I wish there was more I could do; my apologies.”

(We elect to leave and go somewhere else. As we get up, the waitress rushes over.)

Waitress: “You didn’t tip.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Waitress: “You aren’t leaving without leaving a tip! This isn’t a fast food place where you come and go like trailer trash; you need to tip here!”

Me: “Your service sucks. Why would we tip you for that?”

(The waitress throws a screaming fit at us over the issue, causing other patrons to stare. The manager tries to calm her down, but she won’t back down.)

Me: “You want a tip? Fine.”

(I pull a $10 bill out of my pocket, shove it into my water glass, and place a menu on top. I quickly turn it upside down on the table and slide the menu out, leaving the full glass upside down with money floating inside.)

Me: “ENJOY! Have fun cleaning that up when you get it out.”

(We walk out while she fumes, and the manager falls into peaks of laughter.)

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Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | October 14, 2013

Telemarketer: “Hello there, I am calling to see if you would like a free consultation on home alarms.”

Me: “No thanks.”

Telemarketer: “Are you sure? What happens if a robber breaks into your house?”

Me: “I will deal with that situation if and when it happens.”

Telemarketer: “Are you sure? I would get an alarm if I were you. A robber broke into my house last month and stole my dog!”

Me: “What kind of dog was it?”

Telemarketer: “…what?”

Me: “The robber stole your dog, right? What kind of dog was it?”

Telemarketer: “Oh, it was a pug!”

Me: “What was its name?”

Telemarketer: “…what?”

Me: “What. Was. Its. Name?”

Telemarketer: “Uh…”

Me: “I know you are reading off a script, so let me give you advice: if you are going to lie, come up with something believable and be ready to back your story up!”

Telemarketer: “Hey, wow thanks! So… can I sign you up for a consultation to defend your house from a robber who might steal your dog?”

Me: *click*

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Unreal Estate

| England, UK | Working | October 14, 2013

(I am moving over 100 miles away, to a new area I don’t know at all.)

Me: “So, are there any areas of the town I should avoid?”

Agent: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You know, bad areas, dangerous places I wouldn’t really want to live.”

Agent: *proudly* “No! Not at all. This is a lovely town; there’s nowhere I wouldn’t live myself.”

(I’m doubtful, as every town has its dodgy streets. But she recommends some houses on the market, and we go through the particulars.)

Me: “I like the look of this place. Can you get me a viewing tonight? Around 6:00 or 6:30?”

Agent: “Oh. Would someone be going with you?”

Me: “No, I’m looking on my own at the moment. My husband’s still back in [our home town].”

Agent: “But you’ll be driving there?”

Me: “No, it’s only a 20-minute walk from where I’m staying.”

Agent: *shocked* “Oh, no! No. I wouldn’t let you walk around that neighborhood on your own, and especially not after dark!”

Me: “Well then, I’m hardly going to buy a house and live there, am I?!”

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