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F Off Rude Customer

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He Will Utter It Here

| Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(I am female, and work in a video game and movie resale store. I’ve been a fan of fantasy and sci-fi my whole life. I’m busy at the computer making a sign for a display, when a customer comes into the store.)

Me: “Hello! Let me know if I can help you find anything, or if you have any questions.”

(The customer just looks at the floor. He goes over to look at movies, when suddenly he holds up a box and a ring on a necklace.)

Customer: “They match.”

(I looked up. He’s holding ‘The One Ring’ on a gold chain, and holding the box art to ‘Lord of the Rings’.)

Customer: “The writing, it matches. I just wanted to make sure it matched.”

(We frequently get cosplayers in the store, and I enjoy talking about whatever fandom people are into. I was about to ask where he got his replica, when he starts turning the ring around in his fingers.)

Customer: “The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. In the common tongue it reads “One Ring to Rule Them All. One Ring to Find Them. One Ring to Bring Them All and In The Darkness Bind Them”.”

(I raise an eyebrow and keep smiling. He begins to walk towards the counter, caressing the ring and begins Galadriel’s soliloquy from the opening of The Fellowship of the Ring.)

Customer: “The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great Rings…”

(My co-worker comes out from the back-room mid-soliloquy, and sees the look of somewhat bemused consternation on my face.)

Coworker: “Um [name], have you seen the new plush we just got in?”

Me: “No! I haven’t! They’re adorable!”

Coworker: “I KNOW RIGHT!?”

(The customer looks disappointed, but patiently waits out our exchange. As soon as my coworker goes back to the back stock, HE STARTS OVER FROM THE BEGINNING.)

Customer: “It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords…”

Coworker: “Um, [name], when you get a chance can you come back here; I have a question about this item.”

Me: “Sure. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

(I glance at the customer, and back at my coworker.)

Customer: “It’s all right. It’s just… The writing, it matches. I just wanted to make sure it matched.”

(At that, he puts the DVD back and quietly leaves the store. I’m still not entirely sure what happened. He hasn’t ever come back, but if he does, hopefully he knows ‘gi nathlam h”‘—Sindarin (or Elvish) for ‘you are welcome here’.)

Give Them An Inch And They’ll Drive A Mile

| Aurora, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m a shift manager at a pizza chain. There are other stores miles away from us, and we all have our own areas that we deliver to. The areas don’t overlap, and we can’t deliver somewhere outside our area.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Delivery.”

Me: “Okay, can I get your phone number please?”

(The caller gives me a phone number and I can see we’ve never taken an order from him before, at least not under that number. I ask for his name, and he gives it to me.)

Me: “Can I have your address please?”

(He gives me an address, which I recognize to be in another store’s area.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; your address is in another store’s delivery area. I can give you their number, it’s—”

Caller: “But I called THIS store.”

Me: “Yes, but we can’t deliver to you. However, [sister store name] can. I have their—”

Caller: “Why can’t you deliver to me?”

Me: “All of our stores in the region have specific areas that they can deliver to. You’re in another store’s area.”

Caller: “Well, can you just put a different address in and then deliver it to my address?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that for safety reasons. I’d be happy to give you the other store’s number, though.”

Caller: “What, do you think I’m going to rob you? I want to speak to a manager!”

Me: “Speaking. I’m the manager on duty tonight.”

Caller: “No, you’re not. Last time I called I talked to a guy.”

Me: “We have more than one manager working here; I just happen to be working tonight.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, what if I gave the driver more money? Then could you deliver to me?”

Me: “No, we still can’t.”

Caller: “Fine! This is horrible service! I’m going to call and complain about you!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. I can give you our 1-800 numbe—”

Caller: “I’ll just come pick it up. I want a large pepperoni.”

Me: “Sir, the other store is closer to you; I’d be happy to give you their number.”

Caller: “No! You’re just being lazy! I want a large pepperoni!”

(I give up and take the customer’s order. A while later he shows up and asks for his order. I get his order and go to cash him out.)

Caller: “I want a discount for having to drive so far! You guys should build a store closer to me!”

Me: “I’m not giving you a discount; I’m the one who took your order, and I tried to give you the number of a store that’s closer to you several times!”

Caller: “Oh. Well… you should have been clear about it!”