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Watch Your Every Move

| Related | October 15, 2013

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Vintage Trolling

| Prince George, BC, Canada | Related | October 15, 2013

(My dad loves teasing people. Almost everyone who knows us knows this, but newcomers are sometimes never sure if they should take him seriously. One of our good family friends has just gotten married.)

Friend #1: *to his wife* “Don’t worry; he’s just trolling you.”

My Dad: *grins unrepentantly* “I’ve been trolling people since before it was called trolling!”

Friend #1: “Yeah, back then we just called them a**-holes.”

It’s Getting Messianic Up In Here

| Spartanburg, SC, USA | Related | October 15, 2013

(My four-year-old godson has no religious affiliation, nor do his parents. To my knowledge, he has never set foot in a church in his life.)

Godson: “What’s that shirt say?”

Me: “It says, ‘Jesus is your homeboy.'”

Godson: “Oh.” *thinks about that for a second* “Jesus is my brotha from a holy motha!”

Gourd His Thoughts Better

| SA, Australia | Related | October 15, 2013

(A little boy is talking about his parents. His father is tall and slender, but his mother is quite short and plump.)

Boy: “Daddy’s like a carrot, and mummy’s like a pumpkin!”

Kiss And Tell-All

| Fortuna, CA, USA | Related | October 15, 2013

(My two-year-old brother has learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. He is riding around naked and falls, hurting his groin. He runs in the house.)

Brother: “Mommy! Mommy! I hurt my pee-pee! Kiss it, Mommy!”

Mom: “I’m not kissing that, Son.”

(Years later, I now tell this story to all of his girlfriends!)

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