(I am a greeter at the movie theater, so I rip the tickets. There are two of the same movies playing up the stairs. The movie that started is in theater four, and the movie that is about to start is in theater five. I greet a couple.)

Me: “Are you here to see [movie title]? Previews should just be going on.”

Customer: “Yeah, I heard that it is great.”

Me: “Your movie will be in theater five up the stairs.”

Customer: “Thanks.”

(Note: theater five should now be in previews. Shortly after the couple leaves, I hear someone running down the stairs. It is the same customer from the couple as before.)

Customer: “What is this bull-s***?! I want to see a manager NOW!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “You told me [movie] was in previews! When I got into the theater, the previews didn’t even go on, and it went straight into the movie! This is an outrage!”

Me: “How can that be? The movie should just be getting into previews!”

Customer: “I want a f****** refund, and I want your manager now!”

(Her husband jumps into the conversation.)

Customer’s Husband: “This is an outrage! I can’t stand people who lie! I want a refund for this horrible service.”

Me: “Well, what theater did you go into?”

Customer’s Husband: “We went into theater four.”

(I just look at them at this point. They went into the wrong theater.)

Customer: “Yeah, someone told us when we got up to the second floor that the movie was in four!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no one up stairs that works for the theater. What your ticket stub says, is what your movie is in.”

Customer: “Oh, I am so sorry honey! I thought that we were going to the right theater.”

Me: “It is fine, ma’am. Previews should just be ending so I would hurry.”

(They both go up the stairs. I look at my coworker.)

Coworker: “I wanted to jump in, but I didn’t know how to.”

Me: “It’s fine; I don’t really mind. I just let them yell at me and then use a calm voice to confuse them.”

Coworker: “Note taken.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]; how can I help you?”

Patient: “I need to cancel an appointment I have today.”

Me: “All right, let’s verify your information and then we’ll look at the appointment.”

(As the patient verifies everything, I note he is 25 years old, the appointment is urgent, and was made earlier that day. He has already spoken to a nurse as well.)

Me: “Okay. I see the appointment with [Doctor] at [time], and you want me to cancel it?”

Patient: “Yes. Oh, and can you tell me what the appointment was for? I can’t remember.”

(I hover over the cancel button as I tell the patient.)

Me: “Sir, it is for forgetfulness. Are you sure you want to cancel?”

Patient: *silent for a moment* “Yes, go ahead and cancel it.”

(At our store we have a policy where we greet every guest we can.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’m doing alright. How about you?”

Me: “I’m doing well.”

Customer: “No, you’re not.”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “You’re doing ‘good,’ not ‘well.'”

Me: “As you say, sir. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes, you can start speaking proper English!”

(At this point the customer is starting to become visibly upset and starts making a scene.)

Me: “I can assure you, sir, that there is nothing wrong with my grammar. ‘Good’ is a word that can be used in conjunction with copular verbs. ‘Well,’ on the other hand, is an adverb, and in the context of the sentence ‘well’ would be the correct choice.”

Customer: “Cop… ad… what? You don’t know what you’re talking about! You’re just a work drone!”

Me: “Would you like to see my master’s degree in English and creative writing?”

(The customer stammers a bit more and becomes very sheepish.)

Me: “Now, is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: *embarrassed* “The ribs on sale?”

Me: “Right over there on the end-cap. I hope you have a pleasant evening!”

(I am working the register when a young girl of about four or five approaches.)

Little Girl: “Excuse me, but do you sell bottled water?”

Me: “We sure do sweetheart; it’s right by the self check out.”

(The little girl walks over to the coolers and grabs a water. She stops by her mother who is nearby in an aisle and then comes back to me.)

Little Girl: “I told my mommy I was feeling a bit dehydrated, so she said I can buy this.”

Me: “You sure can! That will be [total].”

(She hands me $2, and I hand her her change.)

Me: “Thank you for being so polite; enjoy your water!”

Little Girl: “You’re welcome, ma’am. My mommy says you should be polite to people because it makes them happy, and I like to make people happy.”

(She certainly put a smile on my face for the rest of the night!)

(The face paint we use at the theme park is water-based, and I have to put it away during one of our seasonal storms. I am currently drying off my station so that I can get back to painting faces.)

Customer: “Hi, my daughter would like a face paint.”

Me: “Certainly! Go ahead and pick your paint from the book, and I should be all set up by the time you decide.”

Customer: “Sounds great!”

(The customer and her daughter bypass the book and just look at our back wall display instead. The customer sets up all of her stuff right next to our price sign and display, showing the credit cards we accept. I overhear them making their decision.)

Me: “I’m ready whenever you are! I think I heard somebody wanting a Unicorn Mask?”

Customer’s Daughter: “Yeah!”

Customer: “It’s a bit too much…”

Customer’s Daughter: “But mooooommm!”

Me: “I can scale it back to a lower-priced version that I think you would both be happy with.”

Customer: “I think that could work.”

(I proceed to make the custom face paint, and add all the little touches that they ask for as I go along. When I finish I show, the customer and her daughter are happy with it.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

Customer: “What? You have to pay?!”

(I point to the credit card and price sign that she’s been standing next to the entire time.)

Customer: “Geez, no wonder you were so accommodating!”

(She throws the money at me and storms away in a huff, complaining about having to pay for a face paint.)