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Have A Heart (Attack)

| Right | October 15, 2013

Getting All Hancocked Over A Lincoln

| GA, USA | Right | October 15, 2013

(I am a rather short young man who has just paid for lunch that I am sharing with a friend. Upon taking my seat at the table, I realize that I have been given $5 extra change. I go back to the register to return the excess money. There is one other customer in line behind me.)

Me: “Sorry to bother you again, but I just wanted to return the extra change I was given by mistake.”

Cashier: “Really? Well that’s a first.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but what is, ma’am?”

Cashier: “Well, incorrect change is given out every now and then, and we always hear when it is short. However, we never get approached when we give too much.”

Me: “You would think otherwise, wouldn’t you?”

Cashier: “You’d be surprised. Unfortunately, when the register comes up short, we are either charged the difference out of our own pay or dismissed.”

Me: “That’s terrible! Maybe if people knew jobs were at stake, they would be more honest.”

(The customer in line has heard the whole thing and decides to speak up.)

Customer: “Hey buddy. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “That $5 bill. I could use the money if you’re just giving it away.”

Me: “I’m not giving it away. It’s their money; I was just given it by mistake. Did you not hear that she could lose her job?”

Customer: “Look man, times are hard. People that actually have to work for their money need all of it they can get. We can’t all be spoiled brats like you!”

Me: “I have a part-time job and go to college, so I work for what I have, too. Now I’m giving this money back to her, who it belongs to, not you. That is final!”

Customer: “F*** you punk, and f*** that b**** too! If you won’t give it to me, I’ll take it along with all your front teeth!”

(The customer is a full grown and muscular man, nearly twice my size. He grabs me by the arm and lifts me into the air. I see a swift motion in front of my face and brace for impact, but suddenly I feel myself dropped. The customer is cowering and holding his face. The cashier has sucker-punched him while he is holding on to me.)

Me: “Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would have done without that!”

Cashier: “No, thank you. If not for your honesty, I would have been fired. It’s the least I could do.”

(The customer has recovered and quickly leaves. The manager comes over and is told the whole story.)

Manager: “I’d like to offer you a free meal the next time you come.”

Me: “I have to politely turn you down. I think the food is more than worth the price, and I’m happy to pay!”

(I eat there regularly and have even become friends with the cashier. The best part is, because of this and her track record of great service, she later gets promoted to assistant manager!)

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The Real Government Would Take Your Money

| AL, USA | Right | October 15, 2013

(I work at a federal airport operations center, answering the phones.)

Me: “This is the TSA Coordination Center for [Airport]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “This is the federal government calling to tell you that you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant.”

Me: “The federal government?”

Caller: “Yes, you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant!”

Me: “This is the TSA coordination center; a government operated center. Who is this? What’s a good call-back number?”

Caller: *hangs up*

(The phone line for the next number in sequence starts ringing. Guess who it was?)

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A Certain Number Of Attempts

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | October 15, 2013

(I’m helping a user with an issue, and it becomes obvious that I’ll need to connect over to her computer to see what’s actually going on. I start walking her through the procedure to allow me to do so.)

Me: “Okay, you should see a nine-digit number at the top of your screen. It looks kind of like a phone number. I need you to tell me that number so I can connect over.”

User: “I can’t see any numbers on my screen.”

Me: “Do you see anything at the top of the screen, like a little tab? It’ll have the numbers in it.”

User: “Yes.”

(The user starts describing all the icons in the tab, with no mention of the numbers.)

Me: “That’s the one. There should be a nine-digit number in there. Looks sort of like a phone number, with dashes every three digits.”

User: “No.” *pause* “There’s a phone number there, though.”

Me: “Yes, that’s the one. A nine-digit number. Looks kind of like a phone number.”

User: “Oh.” *pause* “Yes, that’s it.”

Me: “Could you read it to me, please?”

*long pause*

User: “Do you need me to tell you what it is?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

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The Customer Might Not Be Telling The Whole Tooth

| Farmington, NM, USA | Right | October 15, 2013

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Restaurant]! Did you already have an order?”

Customer: “No. Well sort of; I have a complaint for a pizza I just got.”

Me: “Okay, I’m the manager on duty at the moment. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I just got this pizza, and I bit into it, and, well, there was a tooth in it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, a tooth?”

Customer: “Yeah, it looked like it was cooked. It’s real black.”

(The area I live in has a meth abuse problem, as well as a lower than average annual income, so dental hygiene is not a strength of this particular community. As the customer is talking, I notice he has several rotten and black teeth, as well as several missing.)

Me: “Um, okay. Do you have the pizza and, erm, tooth with you?”

(He hands the pizza and tooth to me. The tooth indeed looks very blackened, though obviously not from cooking. I excuse myself to let the owner know the situation, and I enter his office at the time he is on the phone.)

Owner: “No, ma’am, we don’t have security cameras outside the store. Did you let anyone know you had fallen? So you decided it wasn’t an issue over two years ago when you did slip and fall on our sidewalk, but suddenly it’s a problem for you? Well, I’m sorry, but without some sort of proof that you fell on our property, there isn’t much we can do for you. Very well, you can have your lawyer contact ours. Have a good day.”

(The owner hangs up and looks at me.)

Owner: “Your problem can’t possibly be worse than the lady I just dealt with. She claims she injured herself a few winters ago by slipping on ice on the sidewalk.”

Me: “I think you’d be surprised.”

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