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Don’t Hold Him To It

, | NY, USA | Working | December 24, 2013

(The lights in the restroom have failed. I call mall security to let someone know.)

Me: “Hi, I’m calling because the lights in the men’s room outside [Store] have failed.”

Security: “Ah. Thanks for letting us know. Please hold.” *to someone else* “HEY! Bulb’s blown in the s***in’-room by [Store]! Get one of the maintenance sons-of-b****es down there ASAP!” *to me* “Hi. Thanks for hold… Uh. We’re going to pretend that we live in a universe where I hit ‘hold’ instead of ‘speakerphone.’ Okay?”

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Can’t Hold A Candle To Some People

| IL, USA | Working | December 24, 2013

(It’s the day before Hanukkah and I have been trying to find a menorah. I’ve have already checked with four different stores that did not have any. Though this is a ‘hobby’ store they have at least a dozen aisles of Christmas decorations. I approach a clerk who is stacking some shelves.)

Me: “Do you guys sell menorahs?”

Clerk: “Um, what’s a menorah? Is that a kind of hat?”

A Solution To Put You At A Net Loss

| London, England, UK | Working | December 24, 2013

(Our internet hasn’t been working properly for the past two days. My mum rings up the tech support.)

Mum: “Our internet isn’t connecting. We’ve already tried restarting it.”

Tech Support: “Okay. Have you looked at the online help?”

Mum: “Um… no.”

Tech Support: “Next time you should. Often that solves the problem.”

Mum: “I would, but since the problem is that my internet isn’t working, that might not help.”

Tech Support: “Oh…” *awkward silence*

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Waxing Lyrical About The Pain

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Working | December 24, 2013

(Waxing hurts no matter what, but at this appointment I notice that the worker was being a lot rougher than in previous appointments. She’s also very quiet for the first half.)

Worker: *suddenly yanks a strip off* “So, how has your day been?”

Me: *whimpers* “Good. Good just—” *riiiiip* “—a little hectic.”

Worker: “Uh-huh.” *riiiiip* “I’ve seen better days myself. My boyfriend had to leave today to be with his son in Montreal.” *riiiiip*

Me: “Oh, dear. —ah!— How come?”

Worker: “The boy’s mother is hospitalized.” *riiiiip* “So who knows how long he’ll be gone for! And on top of that and working late, I have to walk home alone in the cold because my car wouldn’t start this morning. So I’m kind of having a rough day.” *riiiip*

Me: “Oh. Um —ow!— I think it’s understandable to feel that way. Just please don’t take it out on my crotch.”

Worker: “I would NEVER do that!” *RIIIIIIIP*

Me: *whimpers* “Oh… good.”

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Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4

| Working | December 24, 2013

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