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Hellacious Helicopters

| Working | September 20, 2013

(It’s lunch, and my coworker is talking about his son’s upcoming birthday.)

Coworker: “Hey, you’ll know; where can I get a toy helicopter?”

Me: “Uh… I’m not sure. Try [website]; I bet they will sell them.”

Coworker: “Okay!” *opens website* “There are 10 types; which one should I buy?”

Me: “Well I don’t know; I’ve never had one before. That one has some good reviews.”

Coworker: “But is it any good?”

Me: “Are you really asking me to give you the pros and cons of something I have no idea about?”

Coworker: “Well how am I supposed to choose?”

(Right there on the page are customer reviews, customer photos, videos, facts and a comparison feature.)

Me: “You’re on your own…”

Misconceptions About Pregnancy, Part 2

| Related | September 20, 2013

(I have a nine-year-old cousin who likes to save any awkward questions she has for when I babysit.)

Cousin: “[Name], I asked mum if she could make me a sister, and she said no.”

Me: “Aw, but you have your little brother!”

Cousin: “I know. Anyway, could you get pregnant and make me a sister?”

 

A Hairy Conundrum

| Related | September 20, 2013

(I always wear my hair in a short pixie haircut, yet I’m definitely not bald. My very young niece is a strong believer in princesses, long hair and pretty pink dresses.)

Niece: “Auntie?”

Me: “Yes, dear?”

Niece: “How did you lose your hair?”

The Receptionists Have Checked Out

| Working | September 20, 2013

(I’m a female in my early 20s, treating myself to a fancy week in an expensive hotel. I’ve saved up for it. The receptionists take an immediate dislike to me from the get-go, probably because I’m too average for their tastes.)

Receptionist #1: “And we’ll need to take $700 from you as a deposit.”

(She and Receptionist #2 smirk at each other.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I know that’s not the case. I know you only need my credit card number, and I pay the bill upon checking out; I checked your policies before I arrived.”

Receptionist #2: “FINE. Hand me your card already.”

(I hand them my card and think nothing more of it until the night before I am meant to check out. I go to an ATM to withdraw some money for food, and $700 is missing from my account, leaving me with a balance of about $20.)

Me: “You assured me you wouldn’t hold any of my money! $700 exactly is missing from my account!”

Receptionist #1: “Well it wasn’t us. Perhaps you shouldn’t have spent all of daddy’s money.”

Me: “I have nothing left. I can’t settle my room service bill. Please, check again; you’re holding my money; it’s all there. It’s all there; I can pay you the bill if you just check again.”

Receptionist #2: “You’d better call daddy, sweetie. Looks like he’ll have to bail you out.”

(I end up having to get my mother to fax her details through to cover my tiny room service bill. She has to run around and locate an office after hours, and one who even has a fax she can use. I’m humiliated as I check out, with the receptionists smirking the entire time. Upon arriving home, $700 has magically appeared in my account again. I write a scathing complaint to the head of the world-wide hotel chain, and I receive multiple apologetic emails from their head office and the hotel itself. The receptionists were suspended from their duties!)

Never Put The Ball In The Customer’s Court

| Right | September 20, 2013

(I work retail for a sports store.)

Customer: “Do you have a New York Yankees football?”

Me: “A football? Do you mean a baseball?”

Customer: “No, I meant a football. Do you not have any?”

Me: “No, because the Yankees play baseball, not football.”

Customer: “Well you are missing out on a lot of market not selling that stuff.”