(I’m waiting in line behind a woman who is speaking on her cellphone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up, he speaks up.)

Man: “I didn’t want to say anything while you were on the phone, but you’re in America now. You need to speak English.”

Woman: “Excuse me?”

Man: *very slow* “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.”

Woman: “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.”

This story is part of our Native-American roundup.

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

(It’s a slow day, so I start doodling on our notepad. A customer walks in as I’m drawing.)

Customer: “What are you doing?” frowns at the doodle* “Is he supposed to be jumping rope?”

Me: “Intestines, actually.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Have you ever played any of the Elder Scrolls games?”

Customer: “Oh! It’s going to be Sheogorath!”

Me: *nod* “He’s my favorite NPC.”

Customer: “Yeah, he says the most random things.”

Me: “Yes and my favorite is—” *I throw my hands in the air and then shout* “—CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!”

(At that exact moment, another customer walks in. She stares at me a moment and the other customer laughs.)

Me: “Er, I promise I’m not crazy. We were talking about a game character and he shouts that. He’s the god of madness and he loves cheese!”

(Several of us are in the lunch room when we hear a coworker yelling in the hallway outside.)

Coworker #1: “You guys are all gross!”

(Coworker #1 comes into the lunch room.)

Coworker #2: “Hey, [Coworker #1], what’s up?”

Coworker #1: “Those guys are gross! You know what they’re doing? They’re trying to guess what each other had for breakfast!”

Coworker #2: “So what?”

Coworker #1: “No, they’re burping, and smelling each other’s burps!”

Weekly Roundup: Grow Up, Already, Part 2! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about grown-up customers who need to grow up! Click here for Part 1.

1. Parenting The Parents (2,549 thumbs up)
2. A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’, Part 2 (3,030 thumbs up)
3. Sweet Midlife Crisis (1,550 thumbs up)
4. Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves, Part 2 (1,249 thumbs up)
5. Talentless Pool (2,894 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Weekly Roundup: Grow Up, Already, Part 2! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about grown-up customers who need to grow up! Click here for Part 1.

1. Parenting The Parents (2,549 thumbs up)
2. A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’, Part 2 (3,030 thumbs up)
3. Sweet Midlife Crisis (1,550 thumbs up)
4. Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves, Part 2 (1,249 thumbs up)
5. Talentless Pool (2,894 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!