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Tit For Tat

| ME, USA | Working | October 18, 2013

(On my 21st birthday, I go to a tattoo/piercing parlor run by a husband and wife to get my first tattoo. Having participated in theatre all through high school, it has become a habit to wear a plain black tank top underneath my regular shirts. Note that I’m also a rather well-endowed woman.)

Artist: “So where did you say you wanted this done?”

Me: “Somewhere along here, on my clavicle.”

Artist: “Well if it’s that far up, then you won’t be able to wear a bra for the healing duration. With the, ah, weight it bears, it could stretch your skin and distort the tattoo.”

(I indicate lower down toward my breasts.)

Me: “Well, how about here?”

Artist: “Ah, that’ll work. Now… hmm…”

(He fusses with my shirt a bit, which is getting in the way, and finally he just tugs the collar down and rests his hand on my breast for a moment while trying to figure out if that would work.)

Me: “Oh, right, I’m sorry.”

(I sit up and start pulling my shirt over my head.)

Artist: “Whoa missy, whoa there!”

(I am sitting there with my tank top on, and my t-shirt off.)

Me: “Oh. I maybe should have warned you, huh?”

Artist: “Oh my god, give me a heart attack! I’m like, ‘My wife’s right here and you already paid.’ I appreciate the show and all, but, you know. Wait until the missus is gone.”

(His wife, the piercing artist, just sits back and laughs. I leave him a $10 tip.)

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Mails A Thousand Papers But Doesn’t Get The Message

| Finland | Working | October 18, 2013

(I used to work in a small, private courier/mail delivery company. My ex-coworker calls me at 6 am in the morning a week after I quit.)

Coworker: “Hi, I’m just calling ahead to let you know that there is double the amount of papers to deliver today.”

Me: “Um, what?”

Coworker: “We just got a new customer, and their stuff is going to be delivered today, too. I’ll be at your place to unload the papers in about 10 minutes.”

Me: “I quit last week. I’m not coming down to open any doors and I’m not going to be delivering anything.”

Coworker: “But boss has put you on duty for the next three months. He won’t let you quit before that.”

Me: “NO! I quit and won’t be working anymore.”

(I hang up and go back to sleep. Later, when I go downstairs I find loads of newspapers in the hallway of my apartment building. I call my boss and say there is no way I’ll deliver those since I’m not employed anymore. He says okay. A week later…)

Caller: “Hi, this is [Name] from [Company]. One of your coworkers will bring you some items to deliver later today. They need to be delivered by 7 pm.”

Me: “What the? I don’t work for [Company] anymore.”

Caller: “Yes you do. You are listed here for three more months.”

Me: “Oh no, I’m not working there. I quit three weeks ago.”

Caller: “You are listed, so you work here. Now when can we expect you to be home and ready to receive the items?”

Me: “For the last time! I. DON’T. WORK. THERE. I quit! I won’t be taking any of your stuff.”

Caller: “Well this list say work here, so stop messing about and tell me when we can bring these to you.”

Me: “If you bring that stuff here I will make sure our janitor throws all of it in the trash. I quit, and I’m done having you people call me every week about some deliveries that have nothing to do with me.”

Caller: “But we NEED you to do your job.”

Me: “It isn’t my job anymore.”

Caller: “But you don’t even have a good reason to quit.”

Me: “I’m not going to continue this any further.” *click*

(They keep calling me every week until I change my number. Why did I quit? They never got their delivery routes right, never had the work schedules right, and most of the time failed to provide a cart to help with the 500-1000 copies of newspapers and magazines I had to deliver twice a week.)

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Bemusement Park

| CO, USA | Working | October 18, 2013

(My family and I are on vacation and visiting the national park, where my step-grandmother works at the ticket booth. Apparently, a lot of people think that the tour tickets you can purchase before entering will get you into the park for free. My step-grandmother is off work, and is in the back seat of the car. She decides to pull a little prank on her coworker and hands my dad the tour tickets.)

Step-Grandmother: “Hey, give these to the lady at the booth and say, ‘These will get us in for free, right?'”

(My dad decides to go along with the joke as we approach the booth.)

Dad: “Oh, we have tour tickets. They get us in for free.”

Coworker: *already irritated* “No they do not, sir.”

Dad: “What? Yes they do!”

Coworker: “No they do NOT!”

Dad: “Well I can’t believe this! They’re supposed to get us in for free! She said they’d get us in for free!”

Coworker: “Oh yeah? Who said?”

Dad: “[Step-Grandmother].”

Coworker: “[Step-Grandmother]… oh!”

(We roll down the back window to reveal my step-grandmother. The coworker sees her and cracks up, followed by everyone in the car as well as a coworker in the other ticket booth.)

Coworker: “[Step-Grandmother], that was mean! I was getting really mad!”

Dad: “I’m sorry! I hope I didn’t ruin your day!”

Coworker: “That’s alright; you just keep an eye on this one!”

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Do A Lot Of Stupid Things

| Related | October 18, 2013

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She Isn’t All Sugar And Spice And All Things Nice

| MO, USA | Related | October 18, 2013

(My sisters and I are at my cousin’s baby shower with my mom. We are playing a game where they give an old wives’ tale, and you guess if it means the baby will be a girl or a boy.)

Aunt: “If the mom-to-be is looking especially beautiful during pregnancy, it means she’s having a what?”

Little Sister: “A girl!”

Aunt: “No, it means you are having a boy. The reason is that a girl sucks away some of the mom’s beauty!”

Little Sister: “Well that explains what happened to mom…”

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