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The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am working in the largest gift shop in the theme park. I am walking around straightening and folding the when I hear a middle-aged guests whistling. After a few moments, I recognize it as the theme tune to ‘The Animaniacs’.)

Me: *singing* “Pinky and the Brain, they want rule the universe…”

Guest: “…Slappy slaps them with her purse…”

Me: “…Buttons chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse!”

Together: “Why write a script? We have no script! Why bother to rehearse? We are the Animaniacs! We have pay-for-play contracts! We are zany to the max, there’s baloney in our slacks! We’re Animany, totally insany—”

Guest: *Wakko voice* “Where’s Lon Chaney?”

Together: “Animaniacs! Those are the facts!”

Guest: *high-fives me* “It was nice jammin’ with you, Dot.”

(I beamed for the rest of the night.)

Foretelling Will Be The Death Of You

| Detroit, MI, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I am managing a small bookstore, and a coworker who is usually very good at guessing what book someone wants based on minimal description comes up for help.)

Coworker: “There’s a guy on the phone, and I can’t tell what he wants. He says he’s looking for something called The Death of a Toad.”

Me: “That doesn’t sound familiar.”

Coworker: “He’s getting annoyed with me because I don’t recognize the title. Can you handle it?”

(I grab the phone. The customer sounds like a teenage guy, and he’s irritated.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “I hope so, that other girl was useless. I need Death of a Toad; how hard is that?”

Me: “I’m sorry she couldn’t help you. I see she’s looked it up in the computer, and we don’t have any records of it in our system. Is it a new book?”

Customer: “No, it’s a classic or something. I need to read it for school.”

Me: “Okay. So it’s regular adult fiction, and it’s called Death of a Toad?”

Customer: “Yeah, why is this so hard to understand?”

(I do a more general search on the computer system, looking for any book with “toad” in the title, and don’t get any relevant results.)

Me: “Is it spelled toad, like the animal? And death, like dying? I want to make sure I’m looking up the right search terms.”

Customer: “Duh, yes! Death, like death, and toad, like frog. Wait… it’s not Death of a Toad; it’s Death of Four Toads.”

Me: “That doesn’t sound familiar either. Do you have all or part of the author’s name?”

Customer: “I don’t know, some guy. Look, how hard is this? It’s Death of Four Toads by some Mexican guy or whatever, and it’s a classic! Are you completely stupid? Death. Of. Four. Toads.

(As he says this, a light bulb finally goes off in my head.)

Me: “…are you maybe looking for Chronicle of a Death Foretold?”

Customer: “Yes! Fine! It’s CHRONICLE of the Death of Four Toads! Do. You. Have. It?”

Me: “Actually, I sold my last copy over the weekend. Have a nice day!”