Archive for 2013

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Does Not Pass With Flying Colors

| Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Working with a brand of wireless router and walking a customer through power cycling it, I am waiting to see if the status light comes on either green or red to determine its status.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, could you please tell me what color the status light is?”

Customer: “Orange.”

Me: “Orange?”

Customer: “Or blue. I can’t tell; I’m not computer literate!”

Saving Souls And Money

| Buena Park, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

( One late night, a customer comes up dressed in very stereotypical goth attire and makeup.)

Me: “Okay, sir! Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “Look me in the eyes.”

Me: “Um… okay?”

(I look the customer directly in the eyes. He starts speaking in a steady voice.)

Customer: “You will give me a discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t just give you a discount.”

Customer: “Yes, you will. I am a vampire lord, and you are under my mental control.”

Me: *in the same type of steady voice* “You are a vampire lord, and I am under your mental control.”

Customer: “Very good. Now give me a discount or I will consume your soul.”

Me: “But master, as you can clearly see, I am a ginger, and it is common knowledge that gingers have no souls.”

(The customer stares into my eyes silently for a few seconds, and then breaks eye contact.)

Customer: “D***, you’re right. It was worth a try.”

(The customer pays and leaves.)

Supervisor: “Um…”

Me: “Yeah?”

Supervisor: “You’re blond.”

Me: “Really? THAT’S what you picked up on?”

Parking In A Hole

Extras

asshole-parking