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That’s No Paper Moon

| Woodbridge, VA, USA | Related | October 21, 2013

(My six-year-old daughter is waiting for me to get home from work.)

Me: “Hey guys! I’m home!”

Daughter: *runs up to me and grabs me by the hand* “Daddy! Come look what I built!”

(She leads me to the living room, where there is a small Lego death star from ‘Star Wars’ sitting on the table.)

Daughter: “Look what I built all by myself!”

Me: *dropping my voice really low* “Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force!”

Daughter: “Daddy!” *giggles uncontrollably and gives me a big hug*

The Thrill Of A Wedding Without The Frills Of A Wedding

| IN, USA | Romantic | October 21, 2013

(I am an ordained minister, and one of my biggest jobs is performing weddings. I am having dinner with a couple of friends, a guy and a girl, who have been dating each other for almost three years. He is telling us about his sister’s wedding.)

Guy: “It was horrible! The whole thing was this over-the-top affair. Harps, three flower girls, nine bridesmaids, two and a half hours for the ceremony, another two hours for photos. God, I just wanted the thing to end.”

Girl: “Wait. You don’t like big weddings?!”

Guy: “Umm… no. I know we’ve never talked about weddings before, and I hope this doesn’t upset you. But, no, I don’t. I hate weddings. I don’t understand why everyone has to get together, get all dressed up, and spend the entire day celebrating the fact that two people decided to spend their lives together and sign a piece of paper.”

Girl: “Oh my god!”

Guy: “I’m sorry. I hope you weren’t set on a huge wedding.”

Girl: “No! I don’t want a wedding at all! I just want to sign the paper, have it legally recognized, and then move on with my life! I hate weddings too!”

Guy: “You do?! That’s awesome! Yeah, we definitely have to get married now. Wanna?”

Girl: “H*** yes! I think it only takes a week or two to get the marriage license.”

Guy: “Awesome! Hey [My Name], want to officiate?”

Me: “I suppose so. Are we doing any sort of ceremony?”

Girl: “Not if I have anything to say about it. Just the two of us, with you, and maybe his sister and my brother as witnesses. Is that okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I can do that. Never had a request like that before.”

Guy: “Tell you what: we’ll even take you out for pizza afterwards.”

(They went to the court house the next day and applied for their marriage license. Sure enough, two weeks later, I signed the marriage license in their living room, with all of us in t-shirts and shorts. Then, the five of us present went out for pizza and rented movies to watch for the evening. They have now been married 15 years, and still brag to all of their friends that they had the best wedding ceremony, and it only lasted three minutes!)

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She Will Have To School Him On The Correct Answer

| Washington, DC, USA | Romantic | October 21, 2013

(My boyfriend and I have been long-distance since I went away to college. We handle it remarkably well, and usually make time every day to talk to each other or watch a movie over Skype. Usually, I’m the one pushing this together time, but as I’ve had a busy week and my boyfriend just got two jobs (with the hopes of being back in college next semester), by the time he’s ready to talk I’m often asleep or working on homework. He’s just woken me from a nap to talk.)

Me: “Sweetie, how is it that you actually miss me lately? Are you feeling okay? You’re never the one who wants to talk!”

Boyfriend: “It’s just, everything in life is going so well recently, and I’m just missing one thing…”

(I am already melting inside.)

Boyfriend: “…school!”

Realization Hits Him Like A Firework

| TX, USA | Romantic | October 21, 2013

(We are on the way home after setting off some Fourth of July fireworks.)

Boyfriend: “You know, during the finale, I saw your brother and his girlfriend being all cuddly, and I wished I had someone to be romantic with and watch fireworks—”

Me: “What am I?”

Boyfriend: “You didn’t let me finish. After I the fireworks ended, I realized you were around and that I am an idiot.”

Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 14

| USA | Romantic | October 21, 2013

(I’m super excited because a TV show I like is starting a new season, and a new video game I’ve been waiting for comes out on the same day. Unfortunately, I find out I have to work the day both come out.)

Me: “I’m sad!”

Boyfriend: “Aw, talk to me.”

Me: “The new season of TMNT, and Pokémon X come out the same day! But I have to work! I won’t be able to get the game until Monday!”

(I don’t hear anything from him for a while, so I shrug it off and go back to my own thing. About 30 minutes later, I hear a ding and see I have a text from him.)

Boyfriend: “You need to play the tune of ‘Drive By’ by Train in your head for this.”

‘On the other side of a gym I knew,
Stood a girl who looked like you but,
I guess that’s deja vu,
I thought ‘This can’t be true’ cuz
You moved to West Kanto
Or Johto or Sinnoh or
Wherever to be the very best.

Oh but that one fight,
I used my Dragonite,
I didn’t beat you,
Cuz you had one too.

Oh I was overwhelmed,
And frankly scared as h***,
Because you had a dragon too.

Oh I swear to you,
I’ll be there for you,
Once I get my Fai-ai-ary type!

Just a sly guy
Looking for a Mawile
So I can beat your Dra-a-agonite!’

Me: “Holy crap!”

Boyfriend: “That. Just. Happened.”

Me: “Where did you find that?”

Boyfriend: “I just wrote it.”

Me: “…but, you don’t know anything about Pokémon, or are you secretly a poke-fan?”

Boyfriend: “Duh, I wrote it for you. I had to look up all that stuff, and that’s what took me a while.”

Me: *in awe* “This is how a guy gets out of the ‘friend-zone.'”

Boyfriend: “Aw yeah! My Beedrill is the Beedrill that pierces the ‘friend-zone.'”


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