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Making The Highest Score

| USA | Romantic | October 22, 2013

(My fiancé and I are both gamers, but he is much more dedicated then I am.)

Me: “So what would you do if I walked in on your game in some sexy new lingerie?”

Fiancé: “That depends. If it was a game in which I could save at any time, I would immediately save and then jump you. If it was something a bit more complex, I would calmly finish my game and jump you once I reached a stopping point.”

Me: “Fair enough, but what about if you were just goofing around on Battlefield?”

Fiancé: “I’d tell everyone I was leaving to get laid before signing out.”

Me: “Good answer!”

She Should Give Him The Boot(Cut), Part 2

| Rochester, NY, USA | Romantic | October 22, 2013

Boyfriend: “What should we do tonight?”

Me: “Well, you could take me out to eat, like a real gentleman!”

Boyfriend: “I could, but then I’d have to put on pants.”

Related:
She Should Give Him The Boot(Cut)

Putting The Undying Into Undying Love

| MN, USA | Romantic | October 22, 2013

Me: “Hey sweetheart, I’m reading this article, and it has some good points about why the zombie apocalypse isn’t something we need to worry about.”

Husband: “Really? Why’s that?”

Me: “Because of the weather here! Zombies would freeze in the winter since they don’t have any blood circulation! Plus, the National Guard is right near here, so they could shoot the zombies down.”

Husband: “I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too!”

Husband: “I’m so glad you’re aware of the zombie threat and are looking ahead to our options.”

End Of A Relationship

| Romantic | October 22, 2013

End-of-relationship

The Learning Dead

| LA, USA | Learning | October 22, 2013

(I am the teacher. My class is discussing the current government shut down, and I am reading a list of services that will be affected.)

Me: “The Centers for Disease Control will stop offering certain services.”

Student #1: “What? What are we supposed to do if there’s a zombie attack?”

Student #2: “The doors in this school are pretty thick. We could probably hold them off for a while.”

Student #3: “Is there anything in here we can use as a weapon?”

Me: “I love you guys.”

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