Archive for 2013

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It’s What Grammy Would Have Wanted

| Bristol County, MA, USA | Right | October 22, 2013

(I work for a call center that handles hotel reservations. We get a lot of people who are worried about canceling and being hit with a penalty.)

Guest: “Hi, I’m calling to cancel my reservation for the Bahamas. My grandmother passed away, and my family wants us to be close for the funeral.”

Me: “I’m so sorry; I completely understand and I will definitely see what I can do to help.”

Guest: “Well… I don’t think I’m within the cancel deadline; can you waive the penalty considering the circumstance? It’s just a really bad time in my life right now, and I want to be close to the family in California. Do I really have to pay the few hundred dollar charge?”

(I check his reservation, and he’s well within the cancel policy.)

Me: “Sir, you’re not past the deadline. There was a charge taken, but you technically still have a couple days to cancel. There’s no penalty and the charged amount will be refunded.”

Guest: “Fantastic!! In that case, can I re-book for Aruba?”

Me: “…I’m sorry? For the same dates?”

Guest: “Yeah!”

(The guest pauses, and realizes he has outed himself.)

Guest: “…so I’m, you know, closer…”

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Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4

| Rotherham, England, UK | Right | October 22, 2013

(The pregnancy clinic is running at the same time as normal GP hours. The waiting room contains three pregnant women, including myself, and a tiny very old lady.)

Old Lady: “Why is SHE going in now? I was here first!”

Receptionist: “She’s seeing the midwife.”

Old Lady: “But I was here first!”

Receptionist: “Yes, but the midwife only deals with pregnant ladies.”

Old Lady: “ARE YOU SAYING I’M NOT A LADY?!”

Receptionist: “No, but you aren’t pregnant are you?”

Old Lady: “I don’t see how that’s any of your business!”

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
Cause For Pregnant Pause

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Their Scam Doesn’t Pan Out

, | MI, USA | Right | October 22, 2013

(In our college cafeteria, you can eat as much as you want. I make and cook and cut pizza and serve it on a tray, where students can serve themselves. I have just made two cheese pizzas and put one of them on the serving tray. I have made a backup due to the lunch rush. Two students approach.)

Student #1: “Excuse me; do you have any fresh pizza?”

Me: “The one that is there came out of the oven less than five minutes ago. I’m sure it’s quite good.”

Student #2: “But there’s two pieces missing.”

Me: “Well, someone came and took some pizza since I put it out.”

Student #1: “I want some fresh pizza. Why can’t you give me a piece of the one you have there?”

(The student points to the pizza I just put in the hot box that is used to keep food warm.)

Me: “That pizza came out of the oven at the same time as the one that’s out on the tray.”

Student #1: “But it’s been sitting out.”

Me: “For less than five minutes.”

Student #2: “Fine. Whatever b****.”

(I turn my back to continue making pizzas, when my manager approaches.)

Manager: “Hey, you need to get another cheese pizza out, pronto!”

Me: “Already? I just put one out!”

(A coworker approaches us.)

Coworker: “Dude, did you see what happened?”

Manager: “What?”

Coworker: “Those girls each took four pieces of pizza when your back was turned and threw it out so they could get ‘fresher’ pizza.”

Me: “Are you serious?!”

Coworker: “Yeah! Here they come!”

Student #2: “Do you have a fresh pizza out?”

Manager: “Did you just take an entire pizza and throw it out so that you could get a different one?”

Student #1: “Well she wasn’t serving fresh pizza!”

Coworker: “She’s lying! [My Name] had put that pizza out maybe two minutes before they came here. Two pieces were missing because the guy in front of them took them.”

Manager: “We’re going to have to have a little chat about wasting perfectly good food.”

(My manager had a long talk with the girls and got them to admit that they threw out an entire pizza. After that, my manager gave me permission to refuse service to those two. Thankfully, I never saw them again anyway.)

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Straight-Talking Money

| Spokane, WA, USA | Right | October 22, 2013

(I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”

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My Personal Decision

| Right | October 22, 2013

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