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You Can Count On Some Customers

| Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

(We have a few regulars in the store that we give nicknames. There is one middle-aged man who often wears a long black cloak with a high collar. He speaks with a thick Transylvanian-sounding accent, so I refer to him as ‘The Count.’)

The Count: “Hellooooo, daaaahliiing. Do you have any more of zese glasses?”

(I go out to the back and find another box. We’ve had a few problems with boxes being sent to us with broken pieces inside. I open it to show the customer all of them are fine.)

The Count: “Ahhhh, yes. Zey are very nice. And, let’s see…”

(He points at each in turn like ‘The Count’ from Sesame Street.)

The Count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! They’re all there! Ah, ha, ha!”

(He takes the box out of my hands and goes to the counter with a sweep of his cloak. I guess some people live up to their nicknames!)

Big Brother Is Watching Itself

| IL, USA | Extra Stupid

(I was work as a teller. Our credit union has just gotten ID scanners. I am trying to explain the process to one credit union member after finishing his transaction.)

Me: “We also have the option of scanning your ID so you don’t have to have it on you when you withdraw money.”

Member: “You’d have all my information on your computer?”

Me: “We already have most of it from when you set up your account. This just brings up your ID for transactions.”

Member: “No, I don’t think I’ll do that. If I do that, then the government will get all the information off my license! I can’t let them have that information!”

(The member leaves. I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “So, he doesn’t want the government to see his government-issued license.”

Coworker: “Apparently.”

Don’t Trust ’em If They Bring No Custom

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Money

(I work in a big box electronics store that is liquidating. It is the last day, and my shift has ended. As I am on my way to the break-room after clocking out, the following exchange occurs near our former camera department.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir. Do you work here?”

(I still have my company polo on.)

Me: “Not any more!”

Customer: “This is why you’re going out of business!”

Me: “Actually, I never saw you in here once in the three years I worked here. YOU are the reason we’re going out of business, you vulture!”

(I understand he called the store and threatened come to the parking lot to shoot me. Thankfully, by then, I had already gone home!)