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Warlord Of The Flies

| NSW, Australia | Learning | October 23, 2013

(We’re in English, and supposed to be reading ‘Lord of the Flies’ on our laptops, but the boys at the back of the class very obviously aren’t and are playing some FPS instead.)

Student: *rather loudly* “Yes! I got C4!”

(The teacher looks up.)

Student: “Er… from Piggy, of course.”

Word On The Password

| Learning | October 23, 2013

Dreading Monday

| Learning | October 23, 2013

stupid-job-school_o_1039627

Her Chances Of A Place Are Spoiled

| ON, Canada | Right | October 22, 2013

(I am 11 years old, and I volunteer at a local daycare center. It is part of my job to interview people if they want to send their children here.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to [Business Name]. I understand you want to send [Child’s Name] here?”

Mother: “Yes I’m thinking about doing so, if you can meet my standards.”

Me: “Okay then—”

Mother: “Well, don’t be useless, child! Show me around!”

Me: “Well here is the main playroom where the children—”

Mother: “What cleaning supplies do you use?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Mother: “Don’t be daft, child! What cleaning supplies do you use here?”

Me: “We use [Brand Name].”

Mother: “Oh, I don’t like them. I demand that you use [Other Brand].”

Me: “Okay, I’ll tell my boss to see if she can ask the janitors to use [Other Brand] next time.”

Mother: “You had better, child!”

(At this point, her child begins climbing over the nap time cribs.)

Me: “Oh, don’t do that [Child’s Name] sweetie; you could fall and get hurt!”

Mother: “No, it’s okay sweetie; I say you can.”

Me: “Wha? No, ma’am, she isn’t allowed to do that here.”

Mother: “You can’t tell someone else’s child what to do!”

Me: “Okay, but when we’re watching her, we get to set and enforce rules.”

Mother: “Well if [Child’s Name] comes here, he will be allowed to climb over the couch.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. If [Child’s Name] comes here, he will be receiving no special treatment, and will not be climbing over the couch.”

Mother: “Yes, he will.”

Me: “No, he won’t.”

Mother: “YES HE WILL BECAUSE I SAID SO!”

(The mother stamps her foot hard on ground. I am speechless.)

Mother: “Now, stupid child, give me the papers so that [Child’s Name] can be signed up. I request that you stay in another room from my little boy at all times!”

Me: “But, ma’am! It’s all one room!”

(My boss, who has been watching our exchange, comes over.)

Boss: “That’s okay, because you’re fired.”

Me: “Why? I’m really good with the kids! They like me! They do! And I work for $2.50 for every two hours without complaining! This job means everything to me! Please! I’ll work at $0.50 for every three hours! I need this job so much!”

Mother: “Serves you right for being a senseless b**** to these children.”

Boss: “No [My Name], you are not fired. [Mother’s Name], you are.”

(The mother just stops and stands in awe.)

Boss: “[My Name] was being very helpful to you, and you kept cutting her off. Then, she enforced a big rule, and you told the child to continue to do so anyway. Then you called her a senseless b****, and laughed at her for begging to stay with these children. Now get out before I call the police.”

Mother: “Fine! I don’t need this place! It sucks anyway!”

(The mother grabs her child and leaves. My boss turns to me.)

Boss: “Your next lunch break is on me; you’ve been promoted to $20 for every two hours, and you can go home now.”

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The Answer Came From The Gut

| FL, USA | Right | October 22, 2013

Me: “Was everything all right? Did everyone enjoy their meals?”

Customer: “The food was excellent. My digestive system is dutifully converting it into feces even as we speak!”

Me: “That’s… super.”

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