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Fight Or Flight

| USA | Romantic | October 23, 2013

Me: “Mom, [Boyfriend] and I had our first fight.”

Mom: “Oh no, what about?”

Me: “Drone strikes.”

She Is Tea Total

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Romantic | October 23, 2013

(I have poured myself a glass of scotch. My boyfriend gives me some Kombucha, claiming it will make me healthier.)

Boyfriend: “Finish up your Kombucha; it’s healthy for you!”

(I glare at him, as I don’t really like it, and finish the remaining portion in one gulp. I then proceed to finish my scotch.)

Boyfriend: “Did you just chase the Kombucha with scotch?”

Me: “Yes.”

Boyfriend: “…that’s my girl.”

Long Distance Relationship

| Romantic | October 23, 2013

funny-long-distance-relationship-quotes

Return Of The Contrarian Librarian

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Learning | October 23, 2013

(It’s the end of the school year. My sister’s university doesn’t let you receive your exam and subject results if you have outstanding fees with the university. She is away interstate with some friends when she realizes she has an overdue book fine, and that she has left her credit card at home. You can usually call up the library desk, but I have to pick up some stuff nearby, so I just go to her campus in person.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like to pay for an overdue book fine.”

Librarian: “Sure, have you got your student ID card?”

Me: “Oh, no I don’t. It’s actually for my sister.”

Librarian: “Oh, you’re not allowed to pay for that.”

Me: “Why?”

Librarian: *irritated* “I can’t let you pay for someone else’s fine.”

Me: “But it’s for my sister…”

Librarian: “You can’t pay for someone else’s fine!”

Me: “Seriously? I understand if I’m trying to borrow something under someone else’s name, but I’m paying you money here. I have all her student details if you need them.”

Librarian: *sternly* “I can’t let you do that.”

Me: “Fine…”

(I move away from the desk, but still hover nearby, and take out my phone to call my sister.)

Me: “Dude, this librarian won’t let me pay for your book fine.”

Sister: “What? Why?”

Me: “Apparently, you’re only allowed to pay for your own fines. I can’t do it on your behalf.”

Sister: “No way! That’s totally bull-s***! It’s not even like you’re being shifty and pretending to be me which you could do on the phone. That probably would’ve been much easier than dealing with this idiot. Anyway, you stay there; I’m gonna call the library.”

(I’m still standing around the desk, and a few seconds later the phone rings. The same rude librarian picks up, and I watch him talk on the phone.)

Librarian: “[University’s library], how can I help you? Sure, what’s your student ID? And you’ll be paying over the phone? Oh…”

(The librarian suddenly glares at me. They talk for a few more seconds, and he hangs up. He turns to me and speaks gruffly.)

Librarian: “Can I have your credit card, please?”

Related:
The Case Of The Contrarian Librarian

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Easily Obvious

| Waukegan, IL, USA | Learning | October 23, 2013

(I teach a business class, which has just done horribly on a rather easy multiple choice test.)

Me: “Overall, the test results were horrible. We went over everything on this test during the last three weeks.”

Student: “But the test was hard.”

Me: “I’ll make a deal with everyone: if you come to class every day, listen, take notes, and study one hour before the test, I’ll make the next test easy.”

Student: “If we do that, OF COURSE it will be easy!”

(I am speechless.)

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