Archive for 2013

Jump to page:

She Isn’t All Sugar And Spice And All Things Nice

| MO, USA | Related | October 18, 2013

(My sisters and I are at my cousin’s baby shower with my mom. We are playing a game where they give an old wives’ tale, and you guess if it means the baby will be a girl or a boy.)

Aunt: “If the mom-to-be is looking especially beautiful during pregnancy, it means she’s having a what?”

Little Sister: “A girl!”

Aunt: “No, it means you are having a boy. The reason is that a girl sucks away some of the mom’s beauty!”

Little Sister: “Well that explains what happened to mom…”

Break Your Fast, Break Your Gaze

| Griffith, NSW, Australia | Related | October 18, 2013

(I’m autistic. In the holidays, I often get caught up doing stuff in the morning and forget to have breakfast. This is one such morning, as my mum is leaving for work.)

Mum: “[My name], have you had breakfast yet?”

Me: “No.”

Mum: “Have a yogurt! Pop, watch her have a yogurt.”

(My mum leaves and I get a yogurt. I sit down at the table.)

Pop: *comes and stands next to me, staring*

Me: “I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean it literally.”

Pop: *continues to stare*

Me: “Fine, suit yourself.”


| USA | Related | October 18, 2013

(I am video chatting with my dad while he is in Abu Dhabi for work.)


Me: “Are you okay?! What’s wrong with you?”

Dad: “I don’t know for sure; I haven’t been to the doctor. It’s probably walking pneumonia.” *HACK! COUGH! COUGH!*

Me: “I’m pretty sure that’s what killed Jim Henson, you know. Speaking of which, please don’t die until after you get back. It’ll be a lot harder to cross international borders as a cadaver!”

Dad: “Eh, won’t matter to me; I’ll be dead anyway. Besides, your mom will probably tell them to just leave me here!”

Herding Her Daughter Out Of The Store

| Silverdale, WA, USA | Related | October 18, 2013

(My mother and I are clothes shopping, when I notice a comic book store has opened. Being a massive geek, I have to go check it out. My mother, who is tolerant but not at all interested, follows reluctantly. Her hobby is equestrian-eventing and she always refers to the horses affectionately as ‘ponies.’ I walk into the store and immediately end up chatting with the cashier, because she is wearing a ‘Doctor Who’ t-shirt, and she has a sonic screwdriver on her belt. My mother is wandering around the store poking things for about three minutes, and then comes to stand behind me.)

Mother: *in a whisper* “I like ponies.”

(I ignore and continue chatting to the cashier.)

Mother: *a bit louder* “I like ponies.”

Me: “Okay, Mom, let me just find [issue of Doctor Who comic], and then we’ll be off.”

Mother: *following me through the shelves* “I like ponies!” *louder* “I like ponies!”

Me: “Ah here it is; let me pay and we can leave.”

Mother: *almost yelling* “I like ponies!”

(I go back and chat with the cashier, while she rings up the comic and finds the name of another series we’d talked about.)


Cashier: *laughing uncontrollably* “I take it you’re the household geek-a-freak?”

Me: “You have no idea.”

Mother: “PO-NIES!”

Engaging The Whole Restaurant

| NV, USA | Romantic | October 18, 2013

(I am serving a table near a young man and woman. Everything is business as usual, when suddenly the young man jumps out of his chair and runs past me with his arms raised over his head.)


(People start laughing, and the woman shakes her head.)

Woman: “We just got engaged.”

Page 325/1,459First...323324325326327...Last
« Previous
Next »