(I work at a call center that does outbound fundraising. One of our clients is the Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota.)
Me: “Hello, this is [my name], calling for the ‘Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota’. Thanks for taking my call!”
Woman: “Wait, wait, did you say veterans?”
Me: “Yes, I was calling because—”
Woman: “I don’t need a veteran. I don’t even have any animals!”
(I can give her the benefit of the doubt for simply mixing up the words ‘veterans’ and ‘veterinarians’. But I have to wonder what she would have thought a veterinarian of foreign wars would be!)
Customer: “I couldn’ get through y’awls phone thingy, cawz it din’n understand me. Why don’ it never understaaaaaaaaan me?”
Me: “I’m sorry. Sometimes it has a hard time with accents and voices.”
Customer: “Bu I ain’ got no accen!”
Me: “Ma’am, we all have accents. Mine is Bostonian. Yours is Southern. We’re both likely to confuse computers.”
Customer: “Fayer nuff.”
(I walk over to the convenience store to get a drink. As I’m going inside, I see two police officers with a man in handcuffs in front of the building. I start a conversation with the employees.)
Me: “Looks like you guys had an interesting morning.”
Employee #1: “I can’t believe it; he just sat out there waiting for the cops after he stole the beer.”
(One of the officers comes in.)
Officer: “So, what happened here?”
Employee #2: “He got the 12-pack from the cooler and stood in line, but then he just walked out without paying. I called for him to stop, but he just said ‘I’ll wait out here for the cops’.”
Officer: “He didn’t try to run?”
Employee #2: “No, he just opened the case and started drinking a can of beer right outside the store!”
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