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A Santa Clause, Part 3

| NJ, USA | Related | December 25, 2013

(My family is on vacation for Christmas, so we agree to leave the presents at home and have Christmas when we get back. My older sister and I are technically too old to believe in Santa, but never admit it to our parents, because we want extra presents and we don’t want to kill the magic. I recently got made fun of at school for letting it slip that I still get presents from Santa. Because of this, my mom wants to stop the tradition.)

Me: “Wait, so is Santa delivering presents again this year? And Santa can just have his presents in our present opening party at home too?”

Mom: “Don’t you think you guys are a little old for each other?”

Me: “Okay, fine, you’re right. I don’t actually believe in Santa, but it’s a tradition, and why should his physical nonexistence change a tradition? So can he give us presents this year?”

Older Sister: “NO! DON’T SAY THAT! SANTA IS REAL! BELIEVE!”

Mom: “Fine, but I don’t know what you’ll do when you guys have kids.”

Me: “I suppose I will have to do it for both our families.”

 

A Clause In Her Contract

| England, UK | Related | December 25, 2013

(I am an au pair in England, for a family with three children. The two girls—-aged five and eight—are drawing at the kitchen table, while their mum makes dinner. I’m an atheist, and the family isn’t religious either.)

Five-Year-Old: “I’m going to draw God!”

Eight-Year-Old: “You can’t draw God, because GOD DOESN’T EXIST!”

Me: “Well, Santa doesn’t exist either, and you can still draw him, can’t you?”

(Suddenly their mum coughs really loudly, and glares at me.)

Me: “…umm …oh! What I mean is… nobody’s ever seen Santa, and you can still draw him! So you can draw God, too; if you want to. Uh… I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

(Thankfully, the subject never came up again, and I didn’t seem to have done any damage on the girls’ belief in Santa!)

You’re My Kryptonite

| CO, USA | Romantic | December 25, 2013

(I’m in my living room, saying goodbye to the guy I’ve been dating for a few weeks. Earlier that night, we had gone to Walmart, where we had looked at Christmas toys. He has his hands on my shoulders and is turning me side to side. I ‘punch’ him.)

Boyfriend: “Now make ‘pow’ noises while you do that!”

Me: *makes noises*

Boyfriend: “Now you’re just like the Superman action figure from the store!”

Me: “Are you kidding? I’m way cooler than that Superman!”

Boyfriend: “How do you figure?”

Me: “Well, for one, I have way more than 10 action phrases.”

Boyfriend: “That is true… I guess you are cooler!”

No Longer Aware Of The Present(s)

| Chicago, IL, USA | Romantic | December 25, 2013

(My wife and I have gone shopping for the holidays. One of the gifts we bought is for her elderly mother, who lives with us. However, we don’t plan on giving it to her until her birthday in March. My wife leaves the gift sitting out. I ask her about it.)

Me: “Aren’t you worried your mom will see that sitting there?”

Wife: “Oh, I already told her that I bought it so she won’t ask anyone else for one.”

Me: “Okay. But you’re not going to give it to her until her birthday, right?”

Wife: “Right. She probably will have forgotten about it by then.”

Me: “You see the flaw in your logic. Don’t you?”

Exchange My Gift

| Romantic | December 25, 2013

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