Archive for 2013

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Dishonesty Never Tasted So Sweet

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Related | October 25, 2013

Mom: “Stay here for a moment. I have to use the bathroom. And DON’T EAT THE CANDY.”

Me: “Okay.”

(She comes back to find that my cheeks are bulging.)

Mom: “I told you not to eat the candy.”

Me: “I didn’t!”

Mom: “Be honest!”

Me: *mumbling through all the candy in my mouth* “I don’t want to be honest!”

You Are My World

| Romantic | October 25, 2013

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Not Quite A Movie Ending

| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Romantic | October 25, 2013

(My boyfriend of a year and a half and I are sitting on the couch watching a sad movie; I am crying.)

Me: “This movie makes me sad.”

Boyfriend: “I can make you feel better. Turn and face me.”

(I turn and he promptly sticks his face in my cleavage.)

Me: “This isn’t making me feel better.”

Boyfriend: “It’s making me feel better.”

A Relationship Death-‘Nell’

| Hertfordshire, England, UK | Romantic | October 25, 2013

(My girlfriend and I are in a lesbian long distance relationship. We’re talking via Skype.)

Me: “Who do you think would be more like Portia and who do you think would be more like Ellen out of the two of us?”

Girlfriend: “I’m not sure; maybe we’re a bit of both.”

Me: “I think I’d be more like Ellen.”

Girlfriend: “But don’t you have to be funny?”

Abuse The Force

| USA | Romantic | October 25, 2013

(My fiancé and I are discussing what we would do if we were suddenly graced with abilities from certain movies/games.)

Fiancé: “Being a superhero and choosing a super power would be pretty sweet, but I think I’d rather be a Jedi.”

Me: “I agree! Jedi have a pretty good range of awesome abilities, but if we were in the Star Wars world, you would have to kill me.”

(My fiancé gives me a look of betrayal and heartbreak.)

Fiancé: “Why would I have to kill you?!”

Me: “Let’s be realistic for a second. If I had the ability to force-choke people, I would abuse the h*** out of it!”

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