(My store sells desks and other office furniture. A customer who recently purchased a desk comes marching into the store, looking angry.)

Customer: “YOUR COMPANY IS SPYING ON ITS CUSTOMERS!”

Coworker: “What?”

Customer: “You’re spying on your customers!”

Coworker: “How do you figure?”

Customer: “I just bought a desk from you guys, and on the instructions it says there’s a ‘hidden cam’ I’m supposed to install!”

Coworker: “Sir, a cam-screw is just a type of screw. This one’s called a hidden cam because after you build everything, you won’t be able to see the screw any more.”

Customer: “No, it’s a camera! You’re trying to steal information about people, and sell it to the government!”

Coworker: “Sir, why would my company waste hundreds of thousands of dollars sneaking cameras into desks, cameras that are covered up by other pieces of the furniture and pointed at the floor?”

Customer: “Well they could be listening in on my conversations!”

Me: “Wouldn’t it be called a ‘hidden mic,’ then?”

Coworker: “And why would we go so far as to clearly label the hidden cam as a hidden cam?”

Customer: *leaves, defeated*

(I have recently been hired at a pharmacy a few towns over from mine. It’s my second day as cashier, when a teen girl comes to my register. I’m 22 and wearing a name tag.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a pack of [Brand] cigarettes, please.”

Me: “No problem. I just need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Oh, well it’s at my house and I don’t have time to run back and get it. Can’t you let me go this time?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s not worth my job.”

Customer: “But you know me!”

Me: “I can’t say that I do.”

Customer: “Dude, [My Name], we go to high school together.”

Me: “Oh, really? What high school do you go to?”

Customer: “[Local High School]. We totally have English together.”

Me: “Yeah, no. First of all I went to [Rival High School]. Second, I was in AP English, the scores of which I used to go to [University], which I just graduated from. So, no, I don’t know you. Show me ID or move along.”

Customer: “You suck.”

(She left and asked the next few visibly older customers to buy her cigarettes. No one bought them, and one even threatened to call the cops if she didn’t leave!)

Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

1. Submit a funny or interesting story about lying & scamming customers.
2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Right shop!

PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning September’s Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Young Customers. The winning submission: Veteran Veterinarian (1400 thumbs up).

PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, November 6!

(My husband and I are waiting in line. There is a customer in front of us that is finishing up her transaction, and a younger customer in the line behind us. The customer cashes out but then tells us it will be just one more minute since she has to ring up some other items in a separate transaction.)

Younger Customer: “Oh my God, lady! Just hurry up already! People have places to be you know!”

Customer: *turning to speak to us* “I’m so sorry; I just needed to ring my personal items up separately. You see, I volunteer to send care packages to our troops overseas and need to keep the donated items separate from my personal stuff.”

My Husband: “Oh, no problem. It’s really awesome of you to do that! Take your time.”

Customer: “I figure it’s the least I could do in exchange for everything they do for us.”

(By this point, the younger girl behind us starts groaning again and I turn around and shoot her a dirty look. She turns a little red and looks away.)

Customer: *after finishing her last transaction* “Oh dear, I forgot to scan these last few items. Oh well, I guess these will just have to be put back. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience!”

My Husband: “Here, let us pay for those. Just stick them with our stuff.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, thank you! Here you go. Have a wonderful evening.”

(We put the items through on our order and just as the last one is scanned, the customer starts to walk away.)

Me: “Ma’am, wait! Don’t forget about these!”

Customer: “Oh, you guys are buying them for the care packages? I thought you were just going to keep them for yourself so they wouldn’t have to be put back. Oh my goodness, that is just the nicest thing!” *starts welling up* “You didn’t have to do that. You are such good people. Thank you so much! I know they will be appreciated!”

(At this point, the customer comes back and gives us a hug before walking off. The younger customer starts unloading her cart full of stuff on the belt, but as soon as our transaction is finished, the checker decides to close the lane, forcing her to go stand in a line with about 10 other people waiting. Serves her right!)

(I am a female that works for an retail parts shop. Because of this, a lot of people believe they can pull one over on me.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes I need a coil pack for my car.”

Me: “Okay, what is the year, make and model?” *he tells me his car* “Okay. I have a coil pack in stock for $89.99.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I called Competing Parts Store], and they said they had it for $34.99.”

Me: “Okay, hon, no problem.”

(I know this is wrong, since I am familiar with how our rivals tend to price things. I proceed to call the other store, and get their actual pricing.)

Me: “All right, hon, looks like they made a mistake with you. They actually list their coil pack at $91.99, but seeing as their economy pack is $87.99 I can go ahead and match that price for you.”

Customer: “Um… well, it was actually their online price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not match online pricing in store. But you are more then welcome to purchase online, hon.”

(I hear the guy’s friend whisper to him.)

Friend: “I told you it wasn’t gonna work.”