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Give Them An Anatomy Lesson In A Nutshell

| UT, USA | Related | October 26, 2013

(I’m lying on my back on the floor watching TV. My two sons, ages five and two are with me. My two-year-old son suddenly steps on my stomach. I yell and curl up in pain.)

Two-Year-Old Son: “Sorry.”

Five-Year-Old Son: “[Brother], did you just step on mummy’s nuts?”

Always Breast To Share, Part 2

| Portugal | Romantic | October 26, 2013

(We’re both girls. I am watching a show where a woman is talking about how her husband left her after she had to remove her breasts due to cancer. My girlfriend is quite a bit bustier than me, and we often joke about that.)

Me: “If I had to remove my breasts, would you leave me?”

Girlfriend: “Of course not! I love you no matter what happens. And besides, I’ve got enough boobs for the two of us!”


Death Becomes Her, Part 3

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Romantic | October 26, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are texting.)

Boyfriend: “I plan on being with you when you die.”

Me: “Aw!”

Boyfriend: “…holding the knife.”

Me: “…”


Anger Management Versus Desk Management

| Learning | October 26, 2013

There’s No Business Like Somebody Else’s

| GA, USA | Learning | October 26, 2013

(I’m teaching a class of sixth graders. I have caught one of them texting.)

Me: “[Student #1], I need your phone. That’s the second time you’ve been caught. Your parents will have to come pick it up.”

Student #1: “Why!? I don’t want my parents to know I got caught!”

Student #2: “Ooh, you’re in so much trouble! Your momma’s gonna whip your behind! You’re gonna get a beat down!”

Me: “[Student #2], why do you care what his repercussions are going to be?”

Student #2: “What do you mean? This is my business!”

Me: “Do you like it when people get all up in your business?”

Student #2: “No, it’s my business. They have no right to be up in it.”

Me: “Then why are you trying to get all up in his business?”

Student #2: “It’s different!”

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