(I work in a dollar store that has a lot of varying inventory. It’s not uncommon for people to come in and ask me if we have received a particular item in on the truck.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “Yes I did. I love coming in here and seeing all the new stuff you get. But I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, if I can’t answer it I’m sure I can find someone who can.”

Customer: “If I’m looking for something and I can’t find it, is it free?”

Me: “I would suppose so. If we don’t have it, I can’t charge you for buying it.”

Customer: “So if I look around and I do find it?”

Me: “Then you found it and it’s no longer free.”

(The customer thinks for a second while I finish ringing him up, pays, and turns back to me as he’s walking out.)

Customer: “You win this round; can I go home now?”

Me: “I assume so; I’m not stopping you.”

(The customer walks out happy as can be.)

(I am mopping the floor when a customer walks in and proceeds to slip and fall.)

Customer: “I’M GOING TO SUE! You could have KILLED ME!”

Me: “Sir, there’s just two things wrong with your plan. One, I have ‘Caution – Wet Floor’ signs all over the store.”

Customer: “Well I didn’t see them! I think I broke my leg!”

Me: “Regardless, the store is released of all liability because they are out in highly visible places, and you just fell by one.”

Customer: “I WANT YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”

Me: “The other thing wrong with your plan is that I haven’t mopped over there yet. The floor is dry.”

(The customer gets up on his ‘broken’ leg and scurries out.)

(I am in a convenience store, and a young girl walks in with two of her friends. The young girl goes over to the counter and orders a frozen drink. After she has filled her cup, I see her walking back to the middle of the store to her friends, and a large bit of ice that was standing on her drink falls over. She looks up somewhat amused, and we both smile at each other, because it is rather funny. She then walks over to the register again.)

Young Girl: “Excuse me, do you have any napkins?”

Employee: “No, sorry.”

Young Girl: “Oh, well, I’m sorry but I’ve just spilt some of my drink on your floor.”

Employee: “DON’T DO THAT NEXT TIME!”

Young Girl: *slightly irritated at the employee’s rudeness* “Well, look, it’s not like I did it on purpose, okay? It was an accident. I came over here and asked for something to clean it up with so I could clean it myself, but you don’t have anything, and that’s not my fault.”

Employee: *embarrassed* “I’m… sorry…”

(I work at a well-known fast food restaurant. I have a colleague who works in the kitchen and over the past few weeks has been turning up late, drunk and just generally always has a foul attitude. I am working on the tills.)

Me: “I’ll just find out how long that’ll be for you, sir.”

Customer: “Thanks, that’ll be really helpful. I have a train to catch soon.”

Me: “No problem at all, sir.”

(I turn to the kitchen and talk to my colleague.)

Me: “Sorry about the inconvenience, but would you be able to tell me how long—”

Colleague: “STOP ASKING HOW LONG THINGS WILL BE!”

Me: “Sorry, I know it’s frustrating for you but—”

Colleague: “STOP ASKING HOW LONG THINGS WILL BE!”

Me: “Okay, I understand you’re under a lot of stress, but a customer would like to know how long his order will take.”

Colleague: “How difficult is it to just STOP ASKING HOW LONG THINGS WILL BE?”

Me: *to customer* “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but my colleague is refusing to tell me how long your order will take.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it; thanks for all your help anyway.”

(A few minutes later, the order is ready, and I hand it to the customer.)

Customer: “Thanks so much for your amazing service today; don’t let that b**** get you down.”

(It is a busy Sunday morning, and I accidentally turn my register off. It takes about five minutes for the system to completely reboot and get back up and running. In that time a customer has pulled into my drive-thru lane.)

Me: “Sorry, it should be just a minute before I can get your order in.”

(As I say this, my computer crashes and I have to reboot it again. Since there is a line of customers ahead of them, they can’t pull up to the window to order either.)

Me: *over the speaker* “I am so sorry about this! As soon as we get the line moving, I can get your order in at the first window.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it; we’re not in a hurry. Take your time!”

(It takes two more minutes before I can get their coffee order in and they get to the first window to pay. They speak to my coworker.)

Coworker: “Hello folks! Sorry it took so long. Your order has been paid for already, so go ahead and drive up to the next window.”

Customer: “Paid for? Who paid for our order?”

Coworker: “Actually, the girl that took your order felt so bad about her computer crashing she paid for your coffees.”

(They leave a verbal thank you for me and leave. I think this is the end until an hour later the manager is screaming my name.)

Manager: “What did you DO?!”

Me: “I don’t know; what happened?”

(The manager shows me the huge tray of piping hot homemade cookies. Apparently the customer’s wife decided to repay my kindness and made us all cookies! Best day of work ever!)