Archive for 2013

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The Replacement Has Big Shoes To Fill

| USA | Right | October 27, 2013

(There used to be a shoe repairman in our store, but he retired over two years ago. People still come in looking for him, but usually understand that he is 90 years old, and didn’t want to continue working.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where’s the shoe repair guy?”

Me: “Oh, he retired.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Me: “He was elderly and wanted to spend more time with his family.”

Customer: “So, nobody took over? That’s stupid!”

Me: “Well, it was his business. He just rented the space in our store.”

Customer: “Well, this is very inconvenient for me. I need these shoes fixed. Where is there another cobbler?”

Me: “I think there’s one in the town center.”

Customer: “Oh, well that’s way too far to drive!”

Me: “It’s five minutes away.”

Customer: “I don’t care! This is ridiculous! I need to get my shoes fixed. You guys should have kept the shoe repairman on.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we couldn’t exactly hold him prisoner here.”

Customer: “Well, you could have tried!”

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Managing The Managing Complaint

| Hythe, Kent, England, UK | Working | October 27, 2013

(I’m working on the customer service desk.)

Customer: “Sorry to bother you, but I need to make a complaint about your staff.”

Me: “Oh! I’m so sorry to hear that. What was the problem?”

Customer: “I was browsing the DVDs when one of your colleagues just pushed past without even saying sorry. It’s not what I expect from the staff here. Is your manager in?”

Me: “The store manager’s not in today, but I can call the duty manager down for you.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(I call the duty manager on her phone and ask her to come down to deal with the customer.)

Me: *to customer* “I’m so sorry about what happened, on behalf of my store.”

Customer: “Don’t worry; it wasn’t your fault.”

(The duty manager arrives.)

Duty Manager: “What’s the problem?”

(The customer takes one look at the duty manager.)

Customer: *to me* “I don’t want to complain to her. She’s the one I’m complaining about!”

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Expects You To Buy That Story

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Working | October 27, 2013

(I’ve been scouring a very large craft store searching for a certain kind of glass jar, but I can’t find it anywhere. I approach a very bored-looking employee.)

Me: “Excuse me; do you have a moment? I’m having trouble finding mason jars. Could you point me in the right direction?”

(The employee heaves a sigh and rolls her eyes.)

Employee: “Mason jars? Where do you think we are? This isn’t a… a…”

(The employee trails off, searching for the right word.)

Employee: “…this isn’t a ‘buying things’ store!”

Me: “…a what?”

Employee: “You heard me!”

Me: “…but [Competitor] carries all kinds of mason jars. Are you sure you don’t have them at all?”

Employee: “WE’RE. NOT. A. BUYING. THINGS. STORE. Go to Walmart!”

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| Portland, OR, USA | Related | October 27, 2013

(We are discussing with our children, the people who will be moving into the neighboring house next week.)

Eight-Year-Old: “Do they have kids?”

Me: “No. It’s just a husband and wife.”

(Our six-year-old child shouts from the other room.)

Six-Year-Old: “What?! Do they have kids?”

Eight-Year-Old: “No, they’re single!”

What’s The Word

| Ivins, UT, USA | Related | October 27, 2013

(I attend a local university that’s about a 20-minute drive from my home, and live with my parents. I am not a very social person, and dislike small talk. I come home from an evening class. The only way to get anything other than one word answers from me is to ask me to describe or explain something.)

Mom: “How was your day today? No one-word answers.”

Me: “It was good.”

Mom: “I said no one-word answers.”

Me: “I gave you a three-word answer.”

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