(I’m female. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this.)

Me: “I’ve got a twin brother.”

Person: “Are you identical?!”

(I am a volunteer working at a government funded program that offers free English-as-Second-Language classes to adult immigrants. As it is a day-time class, most of the students are young stay-at-home-moms or retirees. The students usually communicate in one-word utterances, rather than full sentences. The teacher is taking the attendance.)

Teacher: “[Student #1]? Where is [Student #1]?”

Class: “[Student #1] no school today.”

Teacher: “Oh? Why?”

Class: “Husband come China.”

Teacher: “Her husband came over from China?”

Class: “Yeah. Yeah.”

Teacher: “So? Her husband is not a baby! Why does she need to stay home? She doesn’t need to take care of a husband!”

Class: *laughs*

Student #2: *smiles mischievously and winks* “Bed time.”

(The class erupts into laughter and the teacher starts blushing furiously.)

Teacher: “Okay! I can’t argue with that!”

(It still amazes me how someone who can barely string a few words together to communicate can still find humor and joke around in a language they aren’t familiar with. It’s moments like these that convince me that teaching ESL is something that I want to pursue.)

(My two-year-old daughter, my husband, and I are all together at a Renaissance festival. We are all in costume. A guy in a pirate outfit approaches me the second my husband steps away to look at something.)

Random Pirate Guy: “Hello there, fair lady. I just wanted to give you this trinket and compliment you on your exceptional beauty.”

(He kisses my hand, and slips a pipe-cleaner rose ring on my finger.)

Random Pirate Guy: “Would such a fair maiden consent to possibly meeting me later today?”

Me: “Um, that’s nice of you, but I’ll decline thanks.”

(The pirate guy suddenly gets very offended, and I can tell he’s about to make a scene.)

Random Pirate Guy: “Oh? Um, is there some reason you don’t want to talk to me?”

Me: “I can give you three: One…”

(I point to the stroller in front of me with my daughter in it.)

Me: “Two…”

(I point to my wedding ring, directly next to the rose ring he just gave me.)

Me: “…and three.”

(I wave to my husband, who is now sprinting towards us holding a brand new long sword.)

Husband: “Look, sweetie! I got a new sword!”

(I don’t see the guy again for the rest of the day, and I have to explain to my husband why I am laughing so hard.)

(I’m filling out my boyfriend’s application for a passport, when I get to the emergency contact information.)

Me: “Who do you want me to put as your contact?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know… you.”

Me: “I have to put a status of our relationship; how we know each other. ‘Girlfriend’ seems too informal, and were not married so I can’t use ‘spouse.'”

Boyfriend: “What about ‘besties?'”

(My boyfriend and I are not officially engaged yet, but know that it’s going to happen, and talk about our future wedding from time to time. We are not conventional, and love this quality in each other. We are discussing our wedding online.)

Me: “Can [my dog] give me away at our wedding?”

Boyfriend: “Yes! He can pull you down the aisle in a wagon.”

Me: “I figured he’d just walk down the aisle next to me, and steal any food that anyone might have as we walk.”

Boyfriend: “Because our wedding will have a cotton candy vendor.”

Me: “And an ice cream cart! So we eat choco-tacos in our formal wear.”

Boyfriend: “God I love you!”

Me: “I’m not joking, by the way.”

(I send him a link to a website for a company from which people can rent ice cream carts.)

Boyfriend: “Yes!”

Me: “And it’ll be catered by [pizza delivery place].”

Boyfriend: “…I just came.”