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Retired & Extremely Dangerous, Part 2

| Right | December 25, 2013

I Touch My Elf

| Working | December 25, 2013

christmas_funny

Indebted To The Right Thing

| AZ, USA | Working | December 25, 2013

(A collection agency has been constantly calling me, trying to collect a debt from a random man. I’ve told them repeatedly that they have the wrong person, but they continue their harassment.)

Collector: “Hello. We’re trying to reach [Name] in regards to his debt to [Company].”

Me: “What? This again?”

Collector: “I’m looking for [Name] at [full address] who holds [social security number]. You need to tell me where I can find him.”

Me: “I’m telling you, I don’t know the man! I’m a teenage girl who lives nowhere near [address].”

Collector: “Look, I know you know where [Name] is. Let me tell you; you’d better tell him to pay his debts or bad things will happen.”

Me: “Is that a threat? Just stop calling me!”

Collector: “If you want this to go away, would you consider paying the debt yourself?”

Me: “No! Are you nuts? Stop calling me!”

Collector: “So this is how you want to play it? Very well then, I can initiate legal action against you.”

Me: “So you harass me repeatedly, accuse me of hiding someone, give me a person’s private information, and then threaten legal action?”

Collector: “Yes. Unless you want to work this out and do the right thing.”

Me: *evil smile* “Yes. I want to do the right thing. I’ll prepare my affairs and then call you tomorrow to discuss a plan to resolve this.”

(I do several things, and call him the next day.)

Collector: “So, you’ve decided to do the right thing and pay [Name]’s debt?”

Me: “Yes. I’m doing the right thing.”

Collector: “Excellent. Now, how will you be paying?”

Me: “Who said anything about paying? I sent you a cease-and-desist letter, reported you to multiple government agencies, and put in a complaint to your management.”

Collector: “What?!”

Me: “Also, I looked up [Name]. I found his ACTUAL phone number. It was easy.”

Collector: “That’s excellent! Thank you! May I have the number?”

Me: “No. In fact, I already called him and warned him about you. You won’t get anywhere with him.”

Collector: “You idiot! I’ll get you for this! I will make your life h***! You wanna f*** with me?”

Me: “I’m also recording this call. That sounded like a threat. Hang up before you get yourself into even bigger trouble.”

Collector: *slams phone down*

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Secret Santa Stopover

| London, England, UK | Working | December 25, 2013

(I am targeted by a saleslady in the shopping centre. I have tried looking away when she called me and asking her why she’s stopped me. I informed her that I am in a rush. She has ignored all of this, barely listening to anything I have said. I am losing patience.)

Saleslady: “Have you started Christmas shopping yet?”

Me: “Yes.”

Saleslady: “Great. Now, would you like—”

Me: “Hang on. Can we save some time? Is what you’re about to try to sell me under £5 and suitable for a secret Santa gift for my 50 year old boss, who is male?”

Saleslady: “…what?”

Me: “As I said, I am in a rush. I’m here for one thing only, to find a gift that is under £5 and is suitable for a man in his 50s who is also my boss. If that’s this, great.”

Saleslady: “Uh…”

Me: “Is that the product?”

Saleslady: “No?”

Me: “Ah. Okay, then.”

Saleslady: “You know what? I don’t think I can help you today.”

Me: “That’s a shame. Goodbye, then.”

(I walk away as she stares at me. I need to end up with weird present missions more often.)

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Change For The Better

| New Zealand | Working | December 25, 2013

(It is my first week of my first retail job. This supermarket has only just reopened after being destroyed in an earthquake. It is also a week before Christmas. Due to the time of year, the novelty of the new store, and the fact that almost every single worker is still in training, it is completely packed. I am halfway through an 8-hour shift.)

Me: “Here you go, $10.50 change. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(I go on to serve the next customer, but the first comes back immediately.)

Customer: “Excuse me. You gave me too much change.”

(She holds out her change. I had not given her a $10 note as I should have, but a $100 note.)

Me: “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry! Thank you so much for bringing that back!”

Customer: “No worries. You just be careful.”

(I’ve been a lot better at change ever since!)

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