(Our school has several compulsory courses, including a half course on either religious education or citizenship. I chose citizenship since it was a new course and sounded interesting. I soon found out that it was a total joke. The teacher spent a whole lesson standing at the front of the class actually crying over the Union Jack flag and talking about her patriotic pride. This was followed by several other pointless lessons that covered nothing at all. The class culminates in a mock exam that forces us to miss lunch break, and 45 minutes of the next period. The test is a waste of time. I finish in 15 minutes. Then I try to leave.)

Teacher: “Sit down. You may not leave the exam room until the exam time is complete.”

Me: “I have finished. I am hungry and want to get lunch.”

Teacher: “This is an exam. You are not allowed to leave.”

Me: “Actually, I’m pretty sure that by keeping me here without access to food is illegal.”

Teacher: “No. It’s not. You’re a student. You don’t have rights.”

(This goes back and forth with me trying to argue the whole point of our course was to learn about our rights. Eventually the lunch break ends. The next period begins, which is one of the courses I actually still have hope for.)

Me: “You are now making me miss my science lesson which I’m pretty sure counts as a violation of my right to education.”

Teacher: *repeating as a mantra now* “You’re a student. You don’t have rights.”

(This argument has now been picked up by nearly everyone else in the room who just wants to leave. It starts to get very loud very quickly. The teacher is just screaming at the top of her voice, ‘You’re students, you don’t have rights!’ The noise has evidently disturbed other nearby classes. One contains the head teacher who comes to investigate.)

Head Teacher: “Right, everyone. Be quiet and let me find out what’s going on here.” *turns to teacher* “What is happening?”

Teacher: “They won’t remain quiet and finish their mock tests.”

Me: “Excuse me, miss. I finished mine in the middle of lunch break. You then refused to let me leave and get lunch. Further, you kept us all in the room through both lunch and now half of fifth period.”

Head Teacher: *turns to me* “She kept you in through the whole of lunch break? And is now making you miss other classes?”

Me: “Yes. And when I tried to tell her this she kept saying that I’m a student and I don’t have rights, which is ironic since we’re in a citizenship class!”

Teacher: “You don’t have rights, you stupid child!”

Me: “Actually, when you weren’t crying over the Union Jack about your patriotism you actually told us that any British citizen regardless of age has both the right to education and the right to freedom of movement. Two rights you have denied to us.”

Head Teacher: “Okay. I think I understand. All students leave the room now. If you need lunch, since you were unable to get any, the cafeteria is still open. Please go and help yourself. Once you have eaten, please return to class. Tell your teachers you had permission from me to do so.” *turns to teacher* “You and I better have a little chat.”

(Later that week, the teacher was fired. The course was scrapped the following year. I still managed to pass the exam… somehow.)

(I am a 20-year-old man. My girlfriend has been asking me to take a picture with Santa Claus at the mall. Keep in mind, she is a 21-year-old actress and is eagerly waiting for her job offer to perform on the Disney Cruise.)

Santa: “And what would you like for Christmas, young lady?”

Girlfriend: “A performing job on the Disney Cruise!”

Santa: “That’s quite original. What role would you play?”

Girlfriend: “Ariel, the mermaid!”

Santa: “How about you young man? What would you like for Christmas?”

Me: “To be honest… an Iphone.”

Santa: *sensing how excited my girlfriend is about her gift request* “Are you sure you wouldn’t want something else? Say… being her Prince Eric?”

Me: “Probably an iPhone–” *feeling a kick from my girlfriend* “–Prince Eric would be fantastic. I’d love that.”

Santa: “That’s better. Good luck to you young lady, and Merry Christmas!”

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(While looking over my receipt, I notice that the cashier has given me 45 cents in change instead of the 15 cents I should have received in return. The cashier has already closed his register and disappeared into the store again, so I hail the store guard and explain to him what happened.)

Guard: “So what do you want me to do?”

Me: “If you could get the cashier back please? I worked in retail myself and I know how annoying even a small discrepancy in the register can be.”

Guard: “Sure.”

(The guard leaves, while I continue packing my groceries into my bags. I look up to see the bewildered face of the cashier standing beside me.)

Cashier: “The guard said I gave you too much money?”

(I nod and point out the amount on the receipt versus the amount I physically received.)

Me: “It’s only 30 cents, but I know how even small amounts can mess up the daily tally.”

(The cashier stares at me, but slowly holds out his hand to receive the two 20 cent coins I received from him, with me holding on to the 5 cent coin. He quickly turns around to open his register and gives me a 10 cent coin back.)

Cashier: “That should do it. Right? I mean, thanks?”

Me: “Not at all. I hope you have happy holidays!”

Guard: “More people should be like you.”

Me: “Well, it was only a small amount. But I was taught that a better world starts with your own actions. Happy holidays!”

Guard: “Happy holidays!”

(A number of years ago my young twin cousins belonged to a “Twins Group” that was doing a Santa’s Workshop. My aunt had talked my dad into being Santa that year. When my dad went over to get the costume my one cousin had thrown a truck at his twin. Later that day, my cousin is sitting on ‘Santa’s’ lap.)

Santa/My Dad: “Have you been a good boy this year?”

Cousin: “Of course!”

Santa/My Dad: “Then why did you throw that truck at your brother this morning?”

(My cousin goes absolutely bug eyed.)

Cousin: “You do know when we’ve been bad or good.”

(My boyfriend and I are going to bed. I am notorious for being restless when trying to fall asleep. We turn off the lights but after a few minutes I have to get up to get a glass of water. I come back to find my boyfriend hugging his pillow.)

Me: “Why are you hugging the pillow instead of me?”

Boyfriend: *half asleep* “He’s nicer. He doesn’t keep moving…”