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Misogyny Is A Lie-ability

| USA | Learning | October 30, 2013

(It is our first day of criminal law class. The teacher wants to see just how well we can spot a lie. Each of us takes turns standing up, saying our names, and two true things and one lie about ourselves. The other students have to guess which is which.)

Student #1: “My name is [Name]. I was born in Sweden; I’m allergic to tomatoes, and I love comic books.”

Student #2: “You don’t love comic books! You’re a girl!”

Student #1: “Actually, I do.”

(After a while, no one can guess the lie, so she reveals that she is not in fact, allergic to tomatoes. Then it’s my turn…)

Me: “My name is [Name]. I don’t like dogs; I have eight tattoos, and I love romance novels.”

Student #2: “You do not have that many tattoos! You’re a girl!”

Me: “You know, ‘you’re a girl’ is not a proper justification for not believing something. And you’re wrong, by the way.”

Student #2: “No! I’m right! You can’t have that many tattoos! Where I come from it’s just not okay for women to have tattoos!”

(The teacher is pinching the bridge of his nose.)

Teacher: “Shut up, [Student #2].”

(The teacher turns to me.)

Teacher: “What was your lie?”

Me: *grinning* “I absolutely loathe romance novels.”

Student #2: “But you’re a GIRL! You have to like them; it’s like a requirement or something.”

Me: “Nah, not interested; I prefer horror and thrillers.”

Student #2: “You shouldn’t even be considered a woman!”

Me: “Fine. I won’t consider you a man, then.”

Student #2: “Oh, no you don’t! I’m a man, and I demand to be treated like one!”

Me: “Start acting like one.”

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The F-Word Is Constitutional

| Nottingham, England, UK | Learning | October 30, 2013

(Our politics class is studying for an essay on the US constitution, with our teacher trying to give us a few hints.)

Teacher: “Okay, so what else does the constitution involve?”

(Silence…)

Teacher: “Come on! You all know this. It’s the f-word…”

(The entire class erupts into laughter. The teacher looks slightly perturbed.)

Teacher: “Now come on; mentioning the f-word can get you at least five marks.”

(The class laughs even harder. It suddenly dawns on the teacher what she has just implied.)

Teacher: “FEDERALISM! The word I was looking for was FEDERALISM! For goodness sake, don’t put the other word in your essay!”

Getting An ‘A’ In Politeness

| PA, USA | Learning | October 30, 2013

(We are about the take our first quiz of the semester. Our professor starts to hand out our quiz papers.)

Classmate: “Thank you.”

Professor: “You know, I’ve never understood why you all say ‘thank you’ when we hand out a quiz. It’s like saying thank you for the ice pick that you have to gouge your eye with.”

A Victory In Tragedy, Part 2

| Learning | October 30, 2013

Avoiding A Bioshock

| Dublin, Ireland | Right | October 29, 2013

(A customer approaches the cash desk with a console in a box.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking to trade this in?”

Me: “Sure, let me just make sure it works!”

(I open the box, only to find the entire console, wires, and control pads are covered in heavy condensation. It’s so heavy, that there are drops of water pouring down the system.)

Me: “Umm …I don’t think I can plug this in to check it.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, it’s soaking wet. Generally speaking, it’s not a good idea to combine water and electricity.”

Customer: “Ah, it’s just a tiny bit of condensation. I had it in the car overnight; that’s why.”

Me: “I still don’t think it’s safe, sir.”

Customer: “Go ask your manager; he’ll tell you it’s fine!”

(I decide to humor him, and take the console out back to the manager.)

Me: “So I’ve got this customer for trade in, and he wants me to plug this thing in and check it.”

Manager: *not looking up* “So what’s the problem?”

Me: “I think you should have a look and see what the problem is!”

Manager: *looks at the console* “Is he for real?!”

(The manager picks up the console, and it almost slips out of his hands from the liquid on the surface. He heads out to the customer and deals with him.)

Manager: “We can’t accept this for trade in. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “Ah, why not!? It’s only a tiny bit of condensation; I don’t know what the problem is!”

Manager: “Well, if you’re happy to plug in electronics that are dripping with water, be my guest, but you’ll be a candidate for the Darwin Awards if you do. I’m not happy to risk the personal safety of my employees just for a trade in.”

(The customer looks at the console again.)

Customer: “And what if I come back in 10 minutes, and it’s dry?”

Manager: “I think that’d be something of a miracle, don’t you?”

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