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Better Have A Big Fat Apology, Part 5

| NY, USA | Romantic | October 30, 2013

(My fiancé and I are taking our three-year-old son apple picking at a local orchard. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant, and already showing. When we finish getting our apples, we head into the store to see what else is available. We follow another group only to realize just in time that we’re about to enter the wrong door.)

Fiancé: “Oh wait; that’s the wine-tasting room.”

Me: “Oh, well I definitely don’t need to go in there right now!”

(I gesture to my belly.)

Fiancé: “Well, [Mutual Friend] said wine is okay in the third trimester.”

Me: “A lot of studies show that a glass a day is okay, but I really don’t need to be seen chugging a glass with my preggo belly.”

Fiancé: “You don’t even look really pregnant yet. People will just think you have a beer belly.”

Me: “You’re lucky my hormones aren’t in full swing today…”

 

Getting Stick For The Dongle

| New York, NY, USA | Romantic | October 30, 2013

(I am female, and at a party. I work with a computer program that requires a key, or dongle, to operate. It looks something like a USB thumb drive, and at this moment I am wearing it around my neck.)

Friend: “Is that a USB stick?”

(I explain to them that it is a dongle, and not a USB drive.)

Me: “You’re like the ninth person to ask me that. I swear I am going to have sex with the first person to get it right.”

(Just then, my girlfriend arrives.)

Girlfriend: “Are you wearing your dongle?”

(I do a victory fist-pump and our friends crack up. It takes a while to explain to my girlfriend what had happened!)

Forgot To Call My Girlfriend

| Romantic | October 30, 2013

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Where’s Your Book?

| Learning | October 30, 2013

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That Exam Was Easy Pee-sy

| AB, Canada | Learning | October 30, 2013

(I very seldom meet the students I work with, as most of our conversations are on the phone and they work from home. I am calling one student to let them know about their exam score…)

Me: “So you must be pretty happy that you did so well on that exam, hey?”

Student: “Oh yeah! I’m actually still relieving myself right now!”

(I erupt into laughter.)

Student: “Oh s***! That’s not what I meant! I’m not doing that right now!”

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