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Eyes Closed On The Late Close

| OR, USA | Working | October 30, 2013

(I have just started my first food-service job ever at a well known smoothie chain. It is my first closing shift, and I’m working alone with one of the night supervisors. We close at 9:30 pm, and I have been told the closing staff usually leaves around 10:30 pm.)

Night Supervisor: “Okay, I’m going to go in back and count down the tills. You get started on the closing list, and I’ll be out in a while.”

Me: “Okay. This is my first closing shift though…”

Night Supervisor: “You’ll be fine.”

(I get to work like he says, but I am unfamiliar with the tasks, so it takes me a while. I am still working on the list when he finally comes out at 10:30 pm.)

Night Supervisor: “Whoa, what’s going on? We’re way behind.”

Me: “Sorry, but I don’t really know the jobs yet.”

Night Supervisor: “This isn’t good. Let’s hurry and get done.”

(By the time we finish the list, it’s 11 pm. The supervisor approaches me with the sign-in sheet.)

Night Supervisor: “We can’t let them know how late we were here. We have to be out by 10:30 pm at the latest, or we’ll both be in big trouble.”

Me: “What do we do?”

Night Supervisor: “Just mark yourself down as 10:30 pm; it’ll be fine.”

(I’m a little upset by this, but naive enough that I go along with it. A few weeks later, I’m joking with one of the supervisors on the day shift.)

Me: “Yeah, I’m pretty slow at the closing stuff. [Night Supervisor] and I ended up staying until 11 pm the first time I did it, and had to lose the half hour of work so we wouldn’t get in trouble.”

Day Supervisor: “What? You’re not responsible for that. It’s [Night Supervisor]’s job to make sure things get done on time. You wouldn’t have been in trouble at all.”

Me: “Really?”

Day Supervisor: “Yeah, don’t listen to a thing he says about that. He’s the slowest closer anyway.”

(That was the last time I let someone talk me into working for free!)

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I’m Not Bossy…

| Working | October 30, 2013

funny-boss-quotes

A Negative Reaction To A Negative Reaction

| Working | October 30, 2013

Don’t Go Gentle On Him

| USA | Related | October 30, 2013

(My cousin is probably the rudest person I’ve ever met. Whenever he’s in town, I beg my parents to let him stay with them so he doesn’t stay at my apartment, because he’s always so rude to my female neighbors. This particular visit, he DOES have to stay at my house, and I’ve recently gotten a new neighbor.)

Cousin: “D***, baby, youse all kinds of ffooiine!”

(My neighbor replies absently as she looks through her mail.)

Neighbor: “Don’t use words you can’t spell, Dear; it’s not cute.”

Cousin: “Hey, b****! You owe me respect; you best be showing it!”

Neighbor: “Do something to earn it.”

(My cousin runs ahead and opens the door he thinks she’s headed to.)

Cousin: “A true gentleman opens the door for a b****, and then slaps her a**!”

Neighbor: “Does that also mean ‘true gentlemen’ have broken wrists?”

Cousin: “You can’t break my wrist; youse a girl!”

(My cousin tries to grope her, and ends up face-first in the carpet in a submission hold.)

Neighbor: “I’m going to give you a little tip: don’t try to grope corrections officers.”

Cousin: “You’re a WHAT?!”

Neighbor: “And I would recommend that you actually learn what being a true gentleman means if you really want people to treat you with respect.”

(She lets him go, and heads back to her apartment. I’ll admit, though, after this my cousin actually did try to be a better person, and was WAY more respectful!)

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No Longer A Virgin Land

| Portland, OR, USA | Related | October 30, 2013

(I am about nine years old. My mom and dad are helping me to memorize the states. I get through most of the states without an issue.)

Me: “Vagina, Washington, West Vagina…”

Mom: “Yes, very… wait, what?”

Dad: “Say that again. What state was that?”

Me: “West Vagina?”

(My dad is laughing and smiling.)

Dad: “Yeah. Yeah, that’s the one. ‘West Vagina.'”

Mom: “No! Not West Vagina!”

Me: “East Vagina?”

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