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Crazy In Love

| Bretagne, France | Romantic | November 2, 2013

(Coworker #1 has a very attractive girlfriend, prompting Coworker #2 to ask him how he got with her at least 10 times a week. Eventually, Coworker #1 decides he has had it.)

Coworker #2: “I can’t believe you scored such a hot chick. How did you get her to be your girlfriend?”

Coworker #1: *deadpan* “I kidnapped her and forced her to live in my basement. Stockholm syndrome did the rest.”

Coworker #2: “You’re kidding. You’re kidding, right?”

Coworker #1: “Of course I am. SHE kidnapped ME. I mean, obviously!”

(The subject was never brought up again.)

Listening Listlessly

| Learning | November 2, 2013

Throwing Up And Owning Up

| Dallas, TX, USA | Learning | November 2, 2013

(I’m an assistant principal. One of my duties is greeting students and parents in the morning. One of our kindergarten students comes up to me.)

Kindergarten Student: “Are you the manager of this school?”

(Trying not to smile, I reply…)

Me: “No, I’m the assistant principal.”

Kindergarten Student: “Oh, so who do I need to tell about throwing up in the lobby?”

Stress About The Dress

| Right | November 1, 2013

Sage Age Advice

| USA | Right | November 1, 2013

(I’m head cashier in a craft store, and do all the returns. I have a couple come in with several bags and are rummaging through receipts. I start working through their transactions and find items that aren’t from my company and items without receipts.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I cannot process a return for these items.”

Wife: “You should give me the money for these items anyway, because I have had a hard life! I have to take care of my mother and my four siblings!”

Me: “I can understand that, but—”

Wife: “What do you know about taking care of the elderly?”

Me: “Since I was 12 I cared for my father with cancer, who died when I was 18. Then my uncle was diagnosed also with cancer. He passed away two days ago. Between that I have another uncle diagnosed and living with me. Previously, my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s also lived with me and passed last summer. I’m also taking care of my mother who has severe arthritis. I have 5 siblings and 20 cousins, but everyone is dropped on me with no care or help.”

Wife: “I’m so sorry; I guess you do know what it’s like. Does it get better?”

Me: “No, but bubble wrap helps.”

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