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Not A Common-Law Common-Sense Marriage

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Related | November 2, 2013

(My mum frequently lacks any logic or common sense. Although my parents are divorced, my dad still often makes fun of my mum. I am on a car journey with my dad.)

Dad: “Honestly, I really don’t understand that woman sometimes.”

Me: “How do you think I feel? I still have to live with her!”

Dad: “She just has no common sense at all.”

Me: “Pretty much. I’m undecided whether she needs hitting over the head with a frying pan or whether she needs to see a psychiatrist.”

Dad: “Why not just cut out the middle man and hit her over the head with a psychiatrist?”

Crazy In Love

| Bretagne, France | Romantic | November 2, 2013

(Coworker #1 has a very attractive girlfriend, prompting Coworker #2 to ask him how he got with her at least 10 times a week. Eventually, Coworker #1 decides he has had it.)

Coworker #2: “I can’t believe you scored such a hot chick. How did you get her to be your girlfriend?”

Coworker #1: *deadpan* “I kidnapped her and forced her to live in my basement. Stockholm syndrome did the rest.”

Coworker #2: “You’re kidding. You’re kidding, right?”

Coworker #1: “Of course I am. SHE kidnapped ME. I mean, obviously!”

(The subject was never brought up again.)

Listening Listlessly

| Learning | November 2, 2013

Throwing Up And Owning Up

| Dallas, TX, USA | Learning | November 2, 2013

(I’m an assistant principal. One of my duties is greeting students and parents in the morning. One of our kindergarten students comes up to me.)

Kindergarten Student: “Are you the manager of this school?”

(Trying not to smile, I reply…)

Me: “No, I’m the assistant principal.”

Kindergarten Student: “Oh, so who do I need to tell about throwing up in the lobby?”

Stress About The Dress

| Right | November 1, 2013

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