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Spare No Expense In Getting The Message Across

| Naples, Italy | Working | November 3, 2013

(I’m calling my bank’s call center.)

Me: “Hello, I have a small problem. I’m using your website, and I need to transfer some money to a foreign museum’s account. They have asked me to take care of all the expenses, including those for their bank.”

Bank Representative: “Yes, you can select the option to charge all the expenses on their account.”

Me: “Um, yes, I saw that. But what I need to do is the opposite. I need to pay all the expenses myself, and not make them pay for everything; there doesn’t seem to be an option for this on your website. I was wondering if there was any way to do it, or if you had any suggestions.”

Bank Representative: “You CAN’T do that!”

Me: “Yes, I know there’s no option for that. I’m asking if there’s any way I could make sure they don’t—”

(At this point the representative starts yelling at me.)

Bank Representative: “You CAN’T DO THAT!”

Me: “Yes, as I was saying, I—”

Bank Representative: “You CAN’T do that! You can’t! You CAN’T!”

Me: “I—”

Bank Representative: “YOU CAN’T DO THAT! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”

Me: “Huh. Alright, thank you very much. Have a nice day…”

Aimless Assimilating

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Working | November 3, 2013

(This happened when the ‘Star Trek Experience’ was open in Vegas. One of the gimmicks were they had actors dressed as the franchise’s iconic aliens walking around the hotel.)

Me: “Excuse me; my son is asking for a picture with the Borg drones that were in the lobby earlier. Do you know where they went?”

Receptionist: “Hmm, if they aren’t on the floor then they’re probably participating on one of the rides.”

Me: “Well do you know when they’ll be back? I mean are they on a rotation to come out, or do they just walk around aimlessly whenever they aren’t needed?”

(The receptionist gives me a funny look.)

Receptionist: “Sir, they’re the Borg. Walking around aimlessly is kind of what they’re known for.”

(I stare blankly for a moment.)

Receptionist: “Sorry, I just couldn’t let that one slip.”

Me: “No, no that was actually pretty good.”

(We eventually did manage to snag the drones after they reappeared, and specifically asked the receptionist to join us in the photo.)

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Top 5 Funniest Stories Of October 2013

| Not Always Working | Working | November 3, 2013

October 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Working’s top-rated stories last month!

  1. Real People With Real Problems (2,212 thumbs up)
  2. Just The Tip Of The Iceberg (2,081 thumbs up)
  3. Driving Miss Daisy Will Drive Them Crazy (1,933 thumbs up)
  4. Not Acting Tip-Top (1,887 thumbs up)
  5. His Bill Will Be Priceless (1,829 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Top 5 Funniest Stories of October

Not Always Related | Related | November 3, 2013

October 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Related’s top-rated stories last month!

  1. Expose Your Pants And Generate Rants (892 thumbs up)
  2. Don’t Go Gentle On Him (795 thumbs up)
  3. A Quiet Afternoon Is In The Cards (778 thumbs up)
  4. That’s No Paper Moon (715 thumbs up)
  5. Mom’s Soup Is Gruel-ling (678 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

The Truth Shall Set You Pee

| ON, Canada | Related | November 3, 2013

(My family and my sister’s family are sitting outside at a cottage. My four-year-old son and my nephew are playing by the swing set, when we see them peeing in the grass. They are called over.)

Husband: “[Son], did you just pee in the grass?”

Son: “No.”

Husband: “Are you telling the truth?”

Son: “Well, actually, I’m keeping the truth a secret.”

(We all have a very hard time holding back our laughter!)

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