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It’s A Dog-Gone Fact

, , , | Right | October 15, 2013

(Two techs have food poisoning today, so it is just me, a new girl, and the vet. We are in the middle of surgery when a very well-dressed customer and her blue heeler dog come in.)

Me: “Hi, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

Customer: “Nobody else is here, so you should help me now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are in the middle of surgery and we are short-staffed today. So if you could please take a seat, I will help you when we are finished.”

Customer: “You are being rude! I am a paying customer!”

Me: “Okay then, ma’am. What is the problem today?”

Customer: “My dog is pregnant. I want to know how many puppies there are.”

Me: “Okay, and what is her name?”

Customer: “HIS!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “HIS name is Bandit.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but male dogs can’t get pregnant.”

Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU DONT KNOW S***!” *storms out*

Me: *sigh* “It’s only 9:30.”


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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The Real Government Would Take Your Money

| Right | October 15, 2013

(I work at a federal airport operations center, answering the phones.)

Me: “This is the TSA Coordination Center for [Airport]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “This is the federal government calling to tell you that you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant.”

Me: “The federal government?”

Caller: “Yes, you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant!”

Me: “This is the TSA coordination center; a government operated center. Who is this? What’s a good call-back number?”

Caller: *hangs up*

(The phone line for the next number in sequence starts ringing. Guess who it was?)

Getting All Hancocked Over A Lincoln

| Right | October 15, 2013

(I am a rather short young man who has just paid for lunch that I am sharing with a friend. Upon taking my seat at the table, I realize that I have been given $5 extra change. I go back to the register to return the excess money. There is one other customer in line behind me.)

Me: “Sorry to bother you again, but I just wanted to return the extra change I was given by mistake.”

Cashier: “Really? Well that’s a first.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but what is, ma’am?”

Cashier: “Well, incorrect change is given out every now and then, and we always hear when it is short. However, we never get approached when we give too much.”

Me: “You would think otherwise, wouldn’t you?”

Cashier: “You’d be surprised. Unfortunately, when the register comes up short, we are either charged the difference out of our own pay or dismissed.”

Me: “That’s terrible! Maybe if people knew jobs were at stake, they would be more honest.”

(The customer in line has heard the whole thing and decides to speak up.)

Customer: “Hey buddy. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “That $5 bill. I could use the money if you’re just giving it away.”

Me: “I’m not giving it away. It’s their money; I was just given it by mistake. Did you not hear that she could lose her job?”

Customer: “Look man, times are hard. People that actually have to work for their money need all of it they can get. We can’t all be spoiled brats like you!”

Me: “I have a part-time job and go to college, so I work for what I have, too. Now I’m giving this money back to her, who it belongs to, not you. That is final!”

Customer: “F*** you punk, and f*** that b**** too! If you won’t give it to me, I’ll take it along with all your front teeth!”

(The customer is a full grown and muscular man, nearly twice my size. He grabs me by the arm and lifts me into the air. I see a swift motion in front of my face and brace for impact, but suddenly I feel myself dropped. The customer is cowering and holding his face. The cashier has sucker-punched him while he is holding on to me.)

Me: “Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would have done without that!”

Cashier: “No, thank you. If not for your honesty, I would have been fired. It’s the least I could do.”

(The customer has recovered and quickly leaves. The manager comes over and is told the whole story.)

Manager: “I’d like to offer you a free meal the next time you come.”

Me: “I have to politely turn you down. I think the food is more than worth the price, and I’m happy to pay!”

(I eat there regularly and have even become friends with the cashier. The best part is, because of this and her track record of great service, she later gets promoted to assistant manager!)

Vintage Trolling

| Related | October 15, 2013

(My dad loves teasing people. Almost everyone who knows us knows this, but newcomers are sometimes never sure if they should take him seriously. One of our good family friends has just gotten married.)

Friend #1: *to his wife* “Don’t worry; he’s just trolling you.”

My Dad: *grins unrepentantly* “I’ve been trolling people since before it was called trolling!”

Friend #1: “Yeah, back then we just called them a**-holes.”

A Doodle In A Doddle

| Working | October 15, 2013

(I’m working at a popular retail store over the summer. I open one morning, and an hour before we open the doors, my manager tells me to wait in the fitting room for him to bring me shirts to fold. It takes him about two minutes, and while I wait, I doodle on a post-it note on the desk. He brings me the shirts and the day goes on as usual. The next week, I get called into the office by the second manager.)

Manager: “Ah, there you are. Can I ask what this is?” *he holds up my doodle*

Me: “It was just something I sketched while I waited for [Other Manager] to bring me shirts to fold.”

Manager: “You know, we really can’t tolerate this laziness.”

Me: “…I’m sorry, what?”

Manager: “This must have taken you over ten minutes. Surely there was something more productive you could have been doing.”

Me: “It took me about two minutes, and no, I had already gone through fitting room open procedure. I was folding shirts BECAUSE I had nothing else to do. I’m sorry it bothered you, though; I won’t do it again.”

Manager: “This is really just unacceptable. Your work ethic is lacking and the idea that you would spend so much time drawing on the job is concerning to me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it really was just two minutes, and the store wasn’t open yet. I promise I checked to make sure there was nothing else in the fitting room to take care of.”

Manager: “You’re lucky I found this and hid this before the district manager saw it. He’d be furious.”

Me: “Right, well—”

Manager: “Seriously, you broke so many policies by doing this.”

Me: “Sir, my shift started ten minutes ago; can I get to work now?”

Manager: “Fine. But this absolutely cannot happen again. If you’re going to waste hours of our time doodling, you should just quit.”

(I did quit not long after, and got a new job at a coffee shop; the best part is that when my manager at the coffee shop found one of my doodles that I did on my break, he promoted me to head of their advertising department and I got a raise!)