(I am female. I have three sisters, but I’m a bit of a tomboy.)
Boyfriend: “Your father didn’t need a boy; he had you. That’s why I love you.”
Me: “Do you?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah, you’re like a guy but with no penis!”
Me: “That would be the perfect woman?”
Boyfriend: “Totally!”
(Two techs have food poisoning today, so it is just me, a new girl, and the vet. We are in the middle of surgery when a very well-dressed customer and her blue heeler dog come in.)
Me: “Hi, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”
Customer: “Nobody else is here, so you should help me now!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are in the middle of surgery and we are short-staffed today. So if you could please take a seat, I will help you when we are finished.”
Customer: “You are being rude! I am a paying customer!”
Me: “Okay then, ma’am. What is the problem today?”
Customer: “My dog is pregnant. I want to know how many puppies there are.”
Me: “Okay, and what is her name?”
Customer: “HIS!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “HIS name is Bandit.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but male dogs can’t get pregnant.”
Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU DONT KNOW S***!” *storms out*
Me: *sigh* “It’s only 9:30.”
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(I’m helping a user with an issue, and it becomes obvious that I’ll need to connect over to her computer to see what’s actually going on. I start walking her through the procedure to allow me to do so.)
Me: “Okay, you should see a nine-digit number at the top of your screen. It looks kind of like a phone number. I need you to tell me that number so I can connect over.”
User: “I can’t see any numbers on my screen.”
Me: “Do you see anything at the top of the screen, like a little tab? It’ll have the numbers in it.”
User: “Yes.”
(The user starts describing all the icons in the tab, with no mention of the numbers.)
Me: “That’s the one. There should be a nine-digit number in there. Looks sort of like a phone number, with dashes every three digits.”
User: “No.” *pause* “There’s a phone number there, though.”
Me: “Yes, that’s the one. A nine-digit number. Looks kind of like a phone number.”
User: “Oh.” *pause* “Yes, that’s it.”
Me: “Could you read it to me, please?”
*long pause*
User: “Do you need me to tell you what it is?”
Me: “Yes, please.”
(I am reading my edition of ‘Romeo And Juliet’ in a coffee shop when the cashier notices.)
Cashier: “Why is the cover funny?”
Me: *bewildered* “It’s my edition from the 1980s. Sorry if it’s a bit scruffy.”
Cashier: “I don’t like liars; you’re not impressing anyone.”
Me: “It is from the 1980s. Is anything wrong?”
Cashier: “You know what’s wrong.”
(The cashier leaves. Later, I am paying at the counter with the manager, when the cashier comes up.)
Cashier: *to Manager* “She’s a liar, [Manager].”
Manager: *confused* “Why would you say that, [Cashier]?”
Cashier: *pointing to my book* “She said her edition is from the 1980s.”
Me: “It IS!”
Cashier: “You’re a liar. And why did you get a book version? Leonardo isn’t even on the cover.”
Manager: *to me* “Unbelievable.”
(I am a rather short young man who has just paid for lunch that I am sharing with a friend. Upon taking my seat at the table, I realize that I have been given $5 extra change. I go back to the register to return the excess money. There is one other customer in line behind me.)
Me: “Sorry to bother you again, but I just wanted to return the extra change I was given by mistake.”
Cashier: “Really? Well that’s a first.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but what is, ma’am?”
Cashier: “Well, incorrect change is given out every now and then, and we always hear when it is short. However, we never get approached when we give too much.”
Me: “You would think otherwise, wouldn’t you?”
Cashier: “You’d be surprised. Unfortunately, when the register comes up short, we are either charged the difference out of our own pay or dismissed.”
Me: “That’s terrible! Maybe if people knew jobs were at stake, they would be more honest.”
(The customer in line has heard the whole thing and decides to speak up.)
Customer: “Hey buddy. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it.”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “That $5 bill. I could use the money if you’re just giving it away.”
Me: “I’m not giving it away. It’s their money; I was just given it by mistake. Did you not hear that she could lose her job?”
Customer: “Look man, times are hard. People that actually have to work for their money need all of it they can get. We can’t all be spoiled brats like you!”
Me: “I have a part-time job and go to college, so I work for what I have, too. Now I’m giving this money back to her, who it belongs to, not you. That is final!”
Customer: “F*** you punk, and f*** that b**** too! If you won’t give it to me, I’ll take it along with all your front teeth!”
(The customer is a full grown and muscular man, nearly twice my size. He grabs me by the arm and lifts me into the air. I see a swift motion in front of my face and brace for impact, but suddenly I feel myself dropped. The customer is cowering and holding his face. The cashier has sucker-punched him while he is holding on to me.)
Me: “Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would have done without that!”
Cashier: “No, thank you. If not for your honesty, I would have been fired. It’s the least I could do.”
(The customer has recovered and quickly leaves. The manager comes over and is told the whole story.)
Manager: “I’d like to offer you a free meal the next time you come.”
Me: “I have to politely turn you down. I think the food is more than worth the price, and I’m happy to pay!”
(I eat there regularly and have even become friends with the cashier. The best part is, because of this and her track record of great service, she later gets promoted to assistant manager!)
