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The Owner Paid More

| Gaithersburg, MD, USA | Working | November 4, 2013

(I am standing in line at a restaurant, waiting to order lunch. I eat there often, and the owner has just decided a couple of weeks ago that the restrooms are for paying customers only. A woman rushes in; she seems to be quite ill.)

Woman: “Bathroom. Now, please!”

Owner: “Sorry, the bathroom is for paying customers only!”

(The woman glances at the long lunch line in dismay.)

Woman: “I can’t wait that long. Can I buy something after?”

Owner: “Nope, you have to buy something first.”

(The woman looks at the next person in line imploringly.)

Woman: “Do you mind if I cut?”

Customer #1: “Nope, go ahead!”

Owner: “No, you need to go to the back of the line!”

Woman: “But I need—”

Owner: “To the back!”

Woman: “But I’m going to—”

(The owner opens his mouth to cut her off again, but then the woman vomits all over the counter and the owner. A second customer comes over to support the woman.)

Customer #2: “Since the OWNER said that only paying customers can use the bathroom, the OWNER can clean that mess up. Let’s go somewhere else for lunch!”

(The ENTIRE waiting line of people turned around and left the restaurant! Turned out the woman was pregnant and suffering from morning sickness.)

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Set Fire To The Brain

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | November 4, 2013

(I’m contacting tech support of a well-known manufacturer of external hard drive backup units.)

Technician: “Thank you for calling [Company Name]; how can I assist you?”

Me: “I have a hard drive that is smoking. I need to send it in for service, as well as verify there are no safety concerns for the others we have purchased.”

Technician: “Okay, can you please connect the product and switch it on?”

Me: “Did you just seriously ask me to plug in a product that is smoking and potentially a fire hazard?”

Technician: “…yes.”

Me: “…okay!”

(At this point, I decide to have a little fun with this technician with my coworker.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve plugged it in, and now it’s smoking.”

Technician: “Okay, can you now please—”

Me: “Now it has caught fire; there are flames coming out the back.”

Coworker: “Is something burning? OH MY GOD! CALL 911! I’ll get the fire extinguisher!”

Technician: “Oh, my, umm, uh, I will need to connect you with my manager.”

Me: “Yeah, you do that…”

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Just Run(s) With It

| WA, Australia | Working | November 4, 2013

(It is a particularly slow day in the office. I am trying to write an email to an academic when I have difficulty spelling a word.)

Me: “D*** it! I can’t spell ‘regularly.’ I don’t know why; I just can’t.”

Coworker #1: “What about ‘unfortunately?'”

Me: “Nah, I can spell that. It’s just ‘regularly.'”

Coworker #2: “Everyone has that one word. ‘Specifically’ always gets me.”

Me: *as my director walks past* “Well, I think everyone has ‘diarrhea.'”

Director: *concerned* “What?”

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Overtime Crime, Part 2

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Working | November 4, 2013

(I’ve recently been hired at a coffee shop. My coworker is complaining that the day before, he’d been made to stay an extra two hours to cover for someone who didn’t show up.)

Me: “Ugh, that sucks. At least you got overtime.”

Coworker: “No, [Boss’s Name] doesn’t pay overtime.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Coworker: “I asked him about it once, and he said he doesn’t believe in it.”

Me: “…you do know that’s against the law?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “It’s in the labor code. You have to give someone time and a half if they work more than eight hours in one day.”

Coworker: “What? He said overtime was a benefit and he didn’t give it!”

Me: “Let’s be generous. It’s possible he actually thinks that, which just makes him appallingly ignorant and negligent as an employer. But my money’s on ‘actively trying to screw you.'”

(My coworker went to the boss and threatened to report him if he didn’t get his money. Unfortunately, this was only the first of many issues with said employer, and I quit six weeks later.)


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Tip Calculator Fail

| Working | November 4, 2013


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