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Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 3

| UK | Romantic | November 5, 2013

(I decide it’s time to ask my fiancé the important question.)

Me: “So… if I were a zombie, what would you do?”

Fiancé: “I don’t know. Probably like a Shaun of the Dead situation.”

Me: “…you’d keep me locked in the shed?!”

Fiancé: “Maybe not a shed… somewhere warm, I guess, but with video games.”

Me: “Seriously?”

Fiancé: “…and waffles?”

Me: “Well, it’s a slight improvement.”

Related:
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 2
Love In The Time Of Zombies

The Punis

| UT, USA | Romantic | November 5, 2013

(My girlfriend and I are both female. She really likes puns.)

Me: “What’s [Girlfriend’s] favorite part about eating hot dogs? The puns!”

Girlfriend: “That makes it sound like I like penis jokes.”

Me: “You do like penis jokes.”

Girlfriend: “I’m a lesbian; all penises are jokes.”

Girlfriends

| Romantic | November 5, 2013

gf

Not To Subtract From The Situation

| TX, USA | Learning | November 5, 2013

(I am waiting in line at the check out. The customer ahead of me has just bagged their groceries.)

Cashier: “Your total is $66.14, sir.”

Customer: “I want to pay with this $100 bill, but instead of giving me change, can you put the rest on a gift card?”

Cashier: “Sure, I can do that.”

(The cashier stares at the register for a moment.)

Cashier: “Um… do you know how much that’s going to be on the gift card? I can’t find out how much your change is until you pay, and I still have to add your gift card.”

Customer: “I don’t know; just whatever is left out of $100.”

Cashier: “Let me see if there’s a calculator around…”

Me: “It’s $33.86.”

(The cashier and customer look at me uncertainly.)

Cashier: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, just put it in; you’ll see.”

Cashier: “…okay.”

(The cashier puts it in hesitantly.)

Cashier: “…hey, you were right! How’d you do that?”

Me: “I’m a teacher. I subtract from 100 every time I grade papers.”

Customer: “But you did that in your head without a calculator or anything.”

Me: “Yeah, I actually teach math, so I have to be able to do math.”

Cashier: “Wow you must have to be really smart to teach math like that!”

Me: “Um…”

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The Sound Of Silence

| OH, USA | Learning | November 5, 2013

(We have recently switched to an online curriculum.)

Teacher: “And has anyone had problems using the new curriculum?”

Student: “Most of it has worked for me, but I can’t get the sound to work.”

(There is stunned silence.)

Teacher: “This is a sign language class, [Student].”

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