Archive for 2013

Jump to page:

Something Doesn’t Compute

| USA | Working | November 5, 2013

(I get a call from ‘Windows Technical Support.’ Straight away I know he is a scammer.)

Scammer: “We have been monitoring the reports from my computer these past few weeks, and your computer is badly infected with many viruses.”

(I put on my confused old lady voice.)

Me: “Oh, dear, that’s terrible.”

Scammer: “Don’t worry; everything will be fine. I can help you eradicate the viruses right away.”

Me: “Oh, thank you so much! Now, which computer is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it is your computer.”

Me: “But there are several computers here; which one is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, your computer has been sending us a signal that it is infected with many viruses.”

Me: “But which computer was sending you the signal? You just said one, so it can’t be all of them. Which one is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the computer you will be using for the internet.”

Me: “But I use all of them for the internet. Which one has the problem?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer, I will be telling you how to fix the problem.”

Me: “But you still haven’t told me which computer it is. If it’s sending you a signal, you must know which one it is.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the one you are on right now.”

Me: “I’m not on a computer right now; I’m eating supper. Which computer was sending you a signal?”

(There is a long pause.)

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer—”

Me: “But which one? Why can’t you tell me which one? If it sent you a signal, you must be able to tell from that.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, we just have the report that your computer is being infected with many viruses.”

Me: “Well, your report must tell you which computer it is, too.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer—”

Me: “But you still haven’t told me which one it is. Are you trying to fool me? Which computer has the problem?”

(There is a longer pause.)

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the one with Windows 7.”

Me: “But they’re all Windows 7 computers. Which one is it? Why can’t you tell which one it is? I think you’re trying to play a trick on me.”

(There is an even longer pause.)

Scammer: “Never mind, the new report is saying that your computer is fine. Good bye.” *click*

1 Thumbs

Customer Service Is Out Of Service

| Working | November 5, 2013


Tit For Tat

| Working | November 5, 2013

Divorced From Reality

| Staten Island, NY, USA | Related | November 5, 2013

(While driving my five- and seven-year-old boys to school, we happen to follow a truck that has a huge sign posted on the back. The boys read it out loud in unison.)

Both Boys: “DIVORCE. $399. Call 718-[number] now.”

Five-Year-Old: “What?! Now they’re giving away money if you get divorced?”

Seven-Year-Old: “Wow! That’s tons of money. [Five-Year-Old’s Name], your girlfriend and you got divorced in September. You should get $399 each! And it’s here because it’s a 718 number! That’s a New York area code!”

Five-Year-Old: “Ooh! A New York exclusive?”

This Game Is Right Down His Alley

| Elmira, ON, Canada | Related | November 5, 2013

(My brother in law has bought a Wii, and the whole family is intrigued by it. My mother and father have never played video games before, but are curious about a video game that includes standing up and ‘exercising.’ My father is an excellent bowler in the real world, but still requires a little bit of coaching in order to get the hang of a video game.)

Me: “Even though I’m right handed, I can get a better spin on the ball using my left hand!”

Mother: “Well I still like bowling with my right hand because my right arm is stronger.”

(Dad bowls with his right hand as well, but gets himself in position, looks at the screen, then completely shuts his eyes before, he ‘throws’ the ball. He does very well.)

Mother: “What is he DOING?”

Brother-In-Law: “Using the Force.”

Page 265/1,566First...263264265266267...Last