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Customer Service Is Out Of Service

| Working | November 5, 2013

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Tit For Tat

| Working | November 5, 2013

Divorced From Reality

| Staten Island, NY, USA | Related | November 5, 2013

(While driving my five- and seven-year-old boys to school, we happen to follow a truck that has a huge sign posted on the back. The boys read it out loud in unison.)

Both Boys: “DIVORCE. $399. Call 718-[number] now.”

Five-Year-Old: “What?! Now they’re giving away money if you get divorced?”

Seven-Year-Old: “Wow! That’s tons of money. [Five-Year-Old’s Name], your girlfriend and you got divorced in September. You should get $399 each! And it’s here because it’s a 718 number! That’s a New York area code!”

Five-Year-Old: “Ooh! A New York exclusive?”

This Game Is Right Down His Alley

| Elmira, ON, Canada | Related | November 5, 2013

(My brother in law has bought a Wii, and the whole family is intrigued by it. My mother and father have never played video games before, but are curious about a video game that includes standing up and ‘exercising.’ My father is an excellent bowler in the real world, but still requires a little bit of coaching in order to get the hang of a video game.)

Me: “Even though I’m right handed, I can get a better spin on the ball using my left hand!”

Mother: “Well I still like bowling with my right hand because my right arm is stronger.”

(Dad bowls with his right hand as well, but gets himself in position, looks at the screen, then completely shuts his eyes before, he ‘throws’ the ball. He does very well.)

Mother: “What is he DOING?”

Brother-In-Law: “Using the Force.”

Not How Sleeping Works As A Rule Of Thumb

| Manchester, England, UK | Related | November 5, 2013

(My dad has dementia. As such, dealing with him is a lot like dealing with a child. We’re trying to get him to go to sleep, and I’ve just convinced him to close his eyes.)

Me: “Alright, na-night.”

Dad: “Na-night.”

Me: *walking away* “Love you.”

Dad: “Love you, too.”

Me: *at the door* “Are those eyes closed? You sure you’re not peeking?”

Dad: “Nope, not peeking.”

Me: *gives thumbs up*

Dad: *eyes closed, gives thumbs up back*

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