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Demanding Understanding

| Right | November 5, 2013

Not Very (Stereo)Typical Of The Service Industry

, | Whyalla, SA, Australia | Working | November 5, 2013

(I’m on vacation with my parents, grandparents, friend and friend’s mum. My grandparents and mum are German, and my dad is Japanese. Due to this, I have learnt German and Japanese, but I have no accent as I grew up in Australia. My friend is just plain Australian. A waitress has asked everyone but me what they want to eat.)

Grandma: *with German accent* “You forgot her.”

(My grandma points to me.)

Waitress: “Oh, I’m sorry; what will you have?”

Me: “I’ll just have a bowl of chips and a lemonade please.”

(The waitress smiles nicely, but mumbles in Japanese under her breathe as she walks away.)

Waitress: “Stupid fat girl, why should I serve that pig just so she can get fatter than a whale?”

(My dad and I are the only ones that understand.)

Me: “Um, wait, one more thing.”

(The waitress turns back around with smile on her face.)

Me: “I’d like to speak to your manager for the way you spoke to me.”

(The waitress gets her manager.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Dad: “The problem is that waitress. She had missed my daughter, and she muttered that my daughter was a stupid fat girl that she shouldn’t have to serve just so she can get fatter than a whale. Weight is a sensitive subject for my daughter, as she has been teased about it many times; she is working on losing her extra fluff by doing kickboxing and going to a gym. I guess the waitress did not expect any Japanese people in our family.”

(The manager turns to the waitress.)

Manager: “Apologize, now!”

Waitress: “Well how was I supposed to know they could speak Japanese? The old farts are Nazis, the man looks like a Chino, and the girl looks like a deformation!”

Manager: “DO NOT insult a customer! I have seen them in here before; they are wonderful people. I will not stand for your rudeness and racist comments. I’m from America; are you going to call me a ‘hamburger-eating fat-a**?'”

(When we went back the next day, the waitress had been fired!)

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Giving An Earful

| Augusta, ME, USA | Working | November 5, 2013

(I have an undercut that hides my left ear, but exposes my right ear. Both ears are gauged to size two, and I normally wear a hollow plug, or flesh tunnel, in them. I’ve had this hairstyle and gauge for about four months now, and have been working at a locally-owned grocery market about three weeks. The majority of my time I’ve worked under a particular manager. She leans around my right side to check my register amount and then turns to look at me.)

Manager: “Alright, before you go on break I’ll need to—OH MY GOODNESS!”

(The customers in my line and I jump at how loudly she yelps.)

Me: “What?! What’s wrong?”

Manager: “You have holes in your ears!”

Me: “…yes? I do?”

Manager: “No, I mean big holes!”

(She holds up her index finger and thumb to make an ‘O.’)

Manager: “Big holes! With the jewelry!”

Me: “Oh! You mean I’ve gauged them.”

Manager: “Yes! But why? Doesn’t it hurt? Are you okay? When did you do this?!”

Me: “Uh… I like how it looks; it doesn’t hurt since the lobe is mostly just skin and fat, and I started gauging about two years ago, but I’ve been this size since about May.”

Manager: “Really, that long? Wow, where have I been?”

Me: “On my left side, I guess.”

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Cartoon Mathematics

| Seattle, WA, USA | Working | November 5, 2013

(I work for a film studio that has been making animated shorts for about a year, but still doesn’t know anything about animation. Recently, they’ve wanted us to start making longer episodes, but grumble when we tell them it will take more time.)

Manager: “Alright! This next animation is going to be ten minutes long—”

Me: “What?! That’s twice as long as any other short we’ve done! We won’t be finished for months. I hope you cleared that with the client.”

Manager: “No, no, no. It’ll be fine. See, we’re going to split this animation in to two parts. That way it’ll be half the work.”

Me: “Oh, alright then. But they’re okay with not getting part two until a few months from now?”

Manager: “What?! No! We’re cutting the episode in half! It should take half the time!”

Me: “What?”

Manager: “We can deliver it on time, because it’s only half the work. If it only takes a month to do a regular episode, that’s how long it should take you.”

Me: “But it’s not a regular episode; it’s 10 minutes long!”

Manager: “No, it’s two FIVE-minute episodes!”

Me: “Yes. TWO five-minute episodes, as in two of them. That’s 10 minutes total!”

Manager: “You’re being difficult again. I’ve cut your work in half; you should be thanking me!”

(We never could get him to understand that a half plus a half equaled a whole.)

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Something Doesn’t Compute

| USA | Working | November 5, 2013

(I get a call from ‘Windows Technical Support.’ Straight away I know he is a scammer.)

Scammer: “We have been monitoring the reports from my computer these past few weeks, and your computer is badly infected with many viruses.”

(I put on my confused old lady voice.)

Me: “Oh, dear, that’s terrible.”

Scammer: “Don’t worry; everything will be fine. I can help you eradicate the viruses right away.”

Me: “Oh, thank you so much! Now, which computer is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it is your computer.”

Me: “But there are several computers here; which one is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, your computer has been sending us a signal that it is infected with many viruses.”

Me: “But which computer was sending you the signal? You just said one, so it can’t be all of them. Which one is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the computer you will be using for the internet.”

Me: “But I use all of them for the internet. Which one has the problem?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer, I will be telling you how to fix the problem.”

Me: “But you still haven’t told me which computer it is. If it’s sending you a signal, you must know which one it is.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the one you are on right now.”

Me: “I’m not on a computer right now; I’m eating supper. Which computer was sending you a signal?”

(There is a long pause.)

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer—”

Me: “But which one? Why can’t you tell me which one? If it sent you a signal, you must be able to tell from that.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, we just have the report that your computer is being infected with many viruses.”

Me: “Well, your report must tell you which computer it is, too.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer—”

Me: “But you still haven’t told me which one it is. Are you trying to fool me? Which computer has the problem?”

(There is a longer pause.)

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the one with Windows 7.”

Me: “But they’re all Windows 7 computers. Which one is it? Why can’t you tell which one it is? I think you’re trying to play a trick on me.”

(There is an even longer pause.)

Scammer: “Never mind, the new report is saying that your computer is fine. Good bye.” *click*

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