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Be-Labor The Point

| GA, USA | Related | November 6, 2013

(I’m seven months pregnant. My husband doesn’t like it when I poke my belly or try to ‘wake up’ our daughter by shaking my bump. He is placing his cheek on my belly.)

Husband: “You don’t like that, do you? Never let mommy bully you, ever. She’s mean.”

Me: “I am not. I try to have SOMETHING orange every day, because she seems to love it.”

(My husband continues to talk to my belly.)

Husband: “That’s called bribery. Don’t accept that, either. It’s illegal.”

(Suddenly, our daughter kicks very forcefully, hitting my husband’s cheek.)

Husband: “Okay, do you want orange juice or just the orange?”

The Jokes Should Move To Pastures New

| Shrewsbury, England, UK | Related | November 6, 2013

(My dad and I love bad puns and cheesy jokes. We are talking with my younger sister about the possible whereabouts of some cows we had seen earlier.)

Sister: “Oh, where are the cows we saw earlier?”

Me: “Maybe they mooved?”

Dad: “Maybe they are cowering in a corner.”

Me: “Dad! Don’t milk it!”

Sister: “Oh no, please stop.”

Me: “Sorry, have you herd these all before?”

Sister: “Please stop; this is so embarrassing.”

Me: “Can I not tell an udder one?”

Dad: “How are you coming up with all of these?”

Me: “Because I am legen-dairy!”

Saying She Ate The Bunny Is Hare-say

| Mesquite, TX, USA | Related | November 6, 2013

(It’s Easter and I’m four years old. I have received a large chocolate bunny, which my mom has told me specifically not to eat yet. Shortly afterwards, she finds me in my room; my face and hands are covered in chocolate.)

Mom: “[My Name], did you eat your chocolate bunny?”

Me: “No.”

Mom: “Was it good?”

Me: “Yes.”

Wifi Password

| Related | November 6, 2013


Time For Mother To Face The Music

| QLD, Australia | Related | November 6, 2013

(I like to listen to my iPod frequently. I listen to a wide variety of music including soft piano music, jazz, and heavy metal. My mother doesn’t like me listening to heavy metal, but she hasn’t forbidden me from buying CDs or from listening to the music. I’m folding the laundry while listening to some jazz. My mother is on the other side of the room.)

Mother: “I wish you wouldn’t listen to that metal stuff; it’s so loud I can hear it over here!”

(I shrug in confusion, but don’t say anything. A few days later I’m reading a book in the living room while listening to soft piano music. My mother walks past.)

Mother: “That metal stuff is really bad for your ears; if I can hear it from the other room then it’s too loud and you’ll be deaf by the time you’re 40.”

(I pull out my headphones so that the soft piano music comes out of the small speaker.)

Me: “Really?”

Mother: “You just switched that over!”

(A few days after that while listening to jazz again, my father asks to borrow my iPod to take a picture. I unplug the iPod leaving the headphones in my ears knowing it won’t take long. My mother walks past while Dad’s still taking the photo.)

Mother: “Now [My Name], I’m really concerned about the disregard over your own health. I can hear your head banging music from the other room; it is so loud it is making me lose my concentration.”

Dad: “Um… [Mother’s Name]…”

(Both my mother and I turn to look at my dad, and he’s waving my iPod in front of us.)

Dad: “What music was she listening to?”

Mother: “Um…”

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