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A Mouthful Of Awful Falafel Waffle Is A Real Mouthful

| Tampa, FL, USA | Romantic | November 7, 2013

Boyfriend: “I don’t understand how you don’t like Greek food.”

Me: “I just don’t. I’ve tried it, and I’ll continue to try it. But I’ve never had any Greek food that I’ve liked.”

Boyfriend: “But I love falafel.”

Me: “I think it’s awful.”

Boyfriend: “Awful falafel?”

Me: “That sounds like the ‘Awful Waffle.'”

Boyfriend: “Awful waffle falafel?”

Me: “No, no. Awful falafel waffle, because a falafel waffle would probably be awful.”

Boyfriend: “Awful falafel waffle?”

Me: “Awful falafel waffle.”

Back With My Ex

| Romantic | November 7, 2013

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Sesquipedalianistism

| IA, USA | Learning | November 7, 2013

(In lecture, my professor is asking for words to describe men in a picture. After people shout out words like ‘happy’ and ‘confident,’ he asks for more specific words.)

Student #1: “Cocky!”

Professor: “Yeah, that’s a good one! What else?”

Student #2: “Temeritous!”

(The professor stumbles back, clutching his heart.)

Professor: “Woah! Who’s your TA?”

Student #2: “It’s [TA’s Name].”

Professor: “[TA’s Name], give him an ‘A’!”

(Everyone laughs.)

Professor: “‘Temeritous,’ what a fabulous word. I don’t even know what it means! What does it mean?”

Student #2: “Very arrogant!”

Professor: “[TA’s Name], give him two ‘A’s!”

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Caught In The Middle

| AL, USA | Learning | November 7, 2013

(We have a substitute teacher come in for the day for my biology class. Most substitute teachers call students by their first names until they know a nickname, or you give them permission to use your middle name. My middle name is rather common, while my first name is more antique and unheard of in my generation. We are sitting in alphabetical order.)

Substitute: “Okay, who is present. [Classmate’s First Name]?”

Classmate: “Present!”

Substitute: “[My Middle Name]?”

Class: *looks around* “Who’s [middle name]?”

Substitute: “Is she sick?”

Classmate: “There’s no one in here that goes by that name, ma’am.”

Substitute: “You’re sure?”

Classmate: “Yes, ma’am.”

Substitute: “Okay then. [Next Classmate’s Name]?”

Me: “Ma’am, you skipped my name! I should be right after [Classmate]. My name is [First Name].”

Substitute: “Oh, so you’re [Middle Name]! Why didn’t you respond? That’s rude.”

Me: “Because I don’t go by my middle name? If my mom wanted me to go by [Middle Name], she would have used it as my first name!”

(The whole class is laughing.)

Substitute: *blushing* “No one goes by that name anymore!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I do. My middle name is too common, anyway.”

Substitute: “No, it’s not. You are the only one with that name in this class.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, there are two others in this class with that same middle name. Why did you decide to call me by that name, and not them?”

Substitute: “Because no one goes by [First Name] anymore!”

Someone Got The Role To Die For

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Learning | November 7, 2013

(I am teaching an introduction to theatre class. Most of the students are majoring in other degree areas, and take the class for the English requirement. Students are required to attend a performance of a play on campus and turn in a paper describing their reactions to it. I’m handing back the papers and I get to a nursing major.)

Me: “[Student Name], are you studying flesh-eating diseases in your nursing classes?”

Student: *eyes wide* “Um, yes! But how did you know?”

Me: “Because you described the lead female character as ‘dreamy and necrotic.'”

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