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All Little Girls Dream Of Their Red Wedding

| NY, USA | Related | November 7, 2013

(My daughter is running around with a rubber knife from her kitchen play-set.)

Daughter: “Mama, come here! I want to tell you something.”

(I go over and kneel down in front of her.)

Me: “What is it, sweetie?”

(My daughter gets up close, and talks in the creepiest whisper imaginable.)

Daughter: “Mama, the Lannisters send their regards…”

(She leans in and starts poking me in the chest with her knife.)

Daughter: “Now you die! Die! Die!”

Me: “Was Daddy letting you watch Game of Thrones?”

(My daughter nods. I turn to my husband.)

Me: “You. Explain this. Now.”

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Typecast For A Lifetime

| OK, USA | Romantic | November 7, 2013

(I enjoy watching sappy movies on a certain TV network, even if they are reruns. My boyfriend, however, hates them, so we have a deal: if it’s a rerun, and he guesses who did it, he gets to pick what we watch. We are about five minutes into a movie.)

Boyfriend: “He did it.”

(He points at someone who is, in fact, the bad guy. I’m shocked.)

Me: “But he hasn’t even said anything yet; how did you know?”

Boyfriend: “This is a Lifetime movie, and he has a penis.”

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Hit (On) By A Bus

| Austin, TX, USA | Romantic | November 7, 2013

(I’m on the bus when a girl with a Beatles shirt and a messenger bag with a logo I don’t recognize boards. A guy sitting near me spots her bag.)

Guy: “Hey, nice bag and shirt!”

Girl: “Thank you! I’m going to sit next to you!”

Guy: “So, how are you?”

Girl: “Ugh. Worst. Day. EVER!”

Guy: “I’m sorry; what happened?”

(The girl explains that she’s new to the city and is having a very hard time with the bus system. The guy gives her some tips. A few minutes later, the guy’s stop is coming up.)

Guy: “Look, can I be frank? I’ve been trying to come up with a way to hit on you, but this is my stop and I have to get off, so can I just have your number?”

Girl: “Sure!”

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You Like It Because It Has A Nice Ring To It

| Livermore, CA, USA | Romantic | November 7, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are currently long-distance, so we do much of our day-to-day communicating via text, IM and Facebook. I wake up one morning with a delightful observation in my inbox.)

Boyfriend: “The subconscious is a powerful thing. It can silently guide our actions and make decisions for us without us ever being aware. I can only imagine what my subconscious is thinking right now, and why, oh why, I just had the sudden thought: ‘What if Beyoncé did a singing PSA about women and vaccinations and called it ‘Shingle Ladies’?'”

(He’s a keeper!)

A Mouthful Of Awful Falafel Waffle Is A Real Mouthful

| Tampa, FL, USA | Romantic | November 7, 2013

Boyfriend: “I don’t understand how you don’t like Greek food.”

Me: “I just don’t. I’ve tried it, and I’ll continue to try it. But I’ve never had any Greek food that I’ve liked.”

Boyfriend: “But I love falafel.”

Me: “I think it’s awful.”

Boyfriend: “Awful falafel?”

Me: “That sounds like the ‘Awful Waffle.'”

Boyfriend: “Awful waffle falafel?”

Me: “No, no. Awful falafel waffle, because a falafel waffle would probably be awful.”

Boyfriend: “Awful falafel waffle?”

Me: “Awful falafel waffle.”

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